Kids Say the Darndest Things Vol. 5

A1: Do you ever wish you were married?

Me: Sure.

A1: You are just waiting for the right guy. Someone who loves animals. And is nice to you.

Me: Is that too much to ask?

A1: And not gay.

J1: Stupid Rastas*!!!

Me: J, we don't call people names. You need to apologize.

J1: I was using it as an adjective, NOT a noun!!

(At least I know he is learning something in my reading group?!)

A5: Did you know that Marco Polo is actually one person?

A4: "I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can deny, when a girl walks in ....."

At this point I stopped him and suggested that the song he was singing was not really appropriate for school. His reply?

A4: But I'm singing to attract me some honeys! Do you think it will work?

*Name changed to protect the relatively innocent.

IF...

If I had health insurance:

• I would take care of the carpal tunnel and tendonitis that has plagued me for 12 years.
• I would go to a dermatologist to check out some of the suspicious moles I have.
• I could replace the pieces and parts of my CPAP machine that should be replaced every 6 months.
• I would not have to turn to WebMD where I inexorably can't decide whether I have something serious like boils or just a zit. (Luckily it was just a zit)
• I would not be terrified that the chunk of my thumb that was just taken by a rusty nail would turn into tetanus, leading to a hospital stay and inevitably, death.
• Those "lady doctor" visits that I have never had could become a dream come true.
• I could have the strange vertigo that I have been having with increasing frequency diagnosed or at least explained.
• I would know for sure that the electrical impulses I can actually hear and feel going up my spinal cord are not a figment of my imagination.
• M-I-G-R-A-I-N-E-S. Perhaps a solution?