Observations

I had an interesting weekend and I would like to share some observations and questions about it.

• Is the TV at the County Jail set to CourtTV to deter the detainees from future crime?
  
• Why is it that the most experienced cyclists are the ones who can't seem to follow the rules of the road?
• Why must people stare anytime there are police cars that have their lights on?
• Motels that leave envelopes that suggest you leave a tip for your housekeeper should just pay the staff better instead of soliciting tips.
• Small town cops are meaner than those in bigger cities, they have nothing better to do. Small town cops are also more likely to have metal handcuffs instead of the zip ties.
• What happened to spring? It seems like this year we went from winter-like weather to Death Valley weather. Shouldn't I be used to hot summers by now? I've lived here my whole life.
• Is it creepy that I know someone who followed another individual with the same car as them just to see where they lived?
• Age does not necessarily equate with maturity.
• People with an attitude of entitlement drive me crazy.
• Sometimes you just need to cry even if for no reason at all.
• Social commentary is fine in a movie but be upfront, don't disguise it as a children's movie.
• People will apologize and try to empathize, even if the problem is something of your own making. They just don't know what else to say.
• No matter how hard we try to ignore things, they will always catch up with us.
  

Changing Scenes

I've been feeling a sense of detachment lately which has given me plenty of time for self-reflection. Over the last few years I have solidified my personal views on religion, politics and a variety of issues all the time aware that I am more liberal than my immediate family and most of the people in my community. However, knowing what I believe and sharing are two entirely different things. I typically smiled and nodded when people talked about things, but kept my opinion to myself and if I did volunteer an opinion, I would censor myself knowing that people wouldn't agree with me if I was really honest. Several months ago I felt brave enough to share my deepest feelings about some things with my closest friend and I was shocked when she didn't disown me. Emboldened by this experience I gradually became more willing to share with others. It was great when in September I made an acquaintance who actually was even more liberal than me! I found a kindred spirit! The frustrating thing is that as I have let people know what I really think I have seen a decrease in my social life. I can't blame this entirely on expressing myself, but I have found myself less willing to spend time around people who are not open-minded. I'm not asking you to change your views or even agree with what I say, I just think that people should be more willing to listen to people that have different views and not berate someone who is different.

With all this self-reflection I have come to some surprising conclusions. The most surprising being that overall I don't have much to complain about. I have some problems (all of my own making) but I am doing what I can solve these problems. Life could really be worse.

I am a very social person and usually am happiest when I am meeting new people. I am genuinely fascinated by other people. I like to know where people come from and how that has affected the person that they have become. After 2 1/2 years I think it is time for a change. I love the ward that I am in, but the number of people I associate with has decreased. And the people that I most want to associate with are too busy for me anyway. Instead my weekends have been spent of late cleaning, doing family history and knitting. I don't mind doing these things but I am just not by nature a solitary person, which is why I think it's time for a change of scene. I need to find a way to meet new people. My options are limited because I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't want to spend time in places where people do. I have done some networking online with not-so-great results. Where can I go in Utah to meet people? (And NO not Studio 600, the crowd is a little young for me)

A Conspiracy Theory

I am convinced that not only is there a conspiracy as far as oil and gas prices go, but also that the transportation departments are in cahoots with the oil suppliers.

Near my work there are many train tracks. It is a highly industrial area that is relatively close to the airport, so it makes sense. HOWEVER, two of the tracks cross over THE main road between I-215 and Bangerter Highway. There are no cross arms or flashing lights for these tracks. What typically happens is an engineer steps out of the engine car and waves at traffic to stop. When traffic has stopped, the train unhooks a couple of cars IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, and leaves for a few minutes. I assume that the engine that comes back is a different one that then picks up the cars in the middle of the street and exchanges it for some other ones. Basically the process from start to finish takes 30-45 minutes. Apparently there is absolutely NO OTHER WAY to do this anywhere else. It happens at least once a week and lately it has been really awful timing. I got stuck behind this mess today because they were doing it at 5:00 p.m. when everything in the area basically shuts down. It is so irritating and inconvenient. People try to find other ways to go around, but if you try the streets directly north or south, the train is also blocking those streets. Grrrrr!

As I-80 construction has been progressing, it has been interesting to see how the crews have been making the replacement bridges off site to then transport them where they need to go. This last weekend was their first attempt at installing one of the pre-fabricated bridges. Things didn't go so well when they noticed that one of the beams was twisted. Rather than installing a possibly faulty bridge, they have elected to fix it on site. While I greatly appreciate their concern for the safety of all who will pass over or on the bridge, it was a little creepy to drive past it and have it towering over you only 10 feet away. Typically the way the commute goes is that in the morning there are 3 west-bound lanes and 2 east-bound lanes. Mid-day there is a cool machine that then moves the cement barriers so that the evening commute is 3 east-bound lanes and 2 west-bound lanes. In all the confusion over bridges someone must have forgotten that they needed to switch it today. Traffic was backed up from 1300 E and I-80 all the way to the 201 @ 900 West. I was already a little ticked at having to wait for the stupid train and then had to crawl on the freeway at 10 miles an hour because it was only 2 lanes. Meanwhile west-bound traffic is whizzing by without a care in the world.

So here is my theory; the oil companies, construction companies and railway lines are in cahoots. They are determined to get us to waste as much gas as possible idling on the freeway or at a railway crossing. Because in all honesty what can we really do? I would love to have some alternate transportation to work, but because of where I am the buses don't run that far west. Another problem with that would be the time factor. To even get to work at a decent hour I would need to leave 90 minutes before I wanted to arrive. Not to mention that I drive for work. We need to get to work and school and other places and there is not a feasible alternative. I could ride a bike to work, but that's only if there was somewhere to shower once I actually got to work. I would love to get a hybrid vehicle but I have to finish paying off this vehicle and no one is going to want to buy it from me anyway. My sister and her husband are trying to sell their SUV but no one wants to buy a gas guzzling vehicle right now (which is the reason they are trying to sell it anyway) Ultimately to survive we must purchase gas to fuel our vehicles.

So, what is the answer? I have seen groups on Facebook that promise if you join that you will help lower gas prices. How?! We have dug ourselves so deep into this hole that I don't know that gas prices will ever recover. At what point does society actually begin to shut down because no one can afford to go anywhere? Part of the problem is that some easy fixes are unpopular. I empathize with the fact that we have destroyed a great deal of our natural resources, but drill for oil in Alaska already. It seems that we keep expecting to get help from the countries who already provide us with crude oil, but they already know that we have no where else to go. We won't drill on our own land so they know they've got us by the throat. Here is another problem, people are touting ethanol as being the saving grace and as soon as we can integrate it we will be saved. Guess what? Ethanol is produced using corn. With all of the natural disasters all over the world, (flooding, earthquakes, typhoons) we are losing valuable crops and land. The existing corn we have is going to making ethanol which then increases the demand at the exact same time that supply is decreasing. So the price of corn goes up especially in third world countries that need the food and can't afford it. What are we to do? Honestly, I don't know. But I'm trying not to watch the news too often lately. It depresses and angers me a bit. Mostly because it makes me feel helpless which is never a fun feeling. I tend to stress and I have enough of my own anxiety without introducing external influences.

Bragging Again

It's starting to really bug me that I don't get to see my sister and her kids except maybe once a year. They are growing up so fast. I have some new pictures, now I may be biased, but are these not the cutest kids in the world?! I want to be there so I can laugh when my nephew makes that hysterical face, or to play princess with my niece. Gas prices and various other obstacles stand in my way. Curse this economy!

Traffic and Copiers

I had the misfortune of being stuck on the freeway yesterday for 90 minutes yesterday. The misfortune was not necessarily because I was stuck, but because the reason I was stuck was because of a fatal traffic accident. It was mid-day and I was returning to my place of employ from a business appointment. As I approached the area of congestion, I went past one of those permanent electric signs above the freeway which proclaimed that the freeway went to one lane at 3500 south and that all traffic was being diverted. After seeing the sign, I made my way into the right lane so that I could exit or be diverted. People continued to stream past me in the left lanes, despite seeing the sign and somehow thinking it was not true or that they could bypass everyone else. Traffic of course got progressively worse and I actually ended up putting my car in park for a period of time. I actually saw Life Flight land on the freeway and then take off towards a nearby hospital. As the time went on drivers started to use the emergency lane on my right to drive past all the cars that were at a stand still. Imagine the frustration of emergency vehicles when they tried to use this EMERGENCY lane and were thwarted by inconsiderate people intent on getting the jump on the rest of us law abiding citizens. Because of the timing of the accident, it ended up that I did not get off the freeway at 3500 south because they were still directing traffic past the scene. Because of where the accident happened my move into the far right lane ended up being a mistake as all traffic was merging into one lane on the far left. Those of us who were making an effort to merge had to deal with people unwilling to let us in. Most of the people in the left lanes were people that had been speeding past the rest of us who were at a standstill and trying to comply with the suggested traffic precautions. I just don't understand why people can't be courteous drivers. 97% of the time I would rather be considerate and let someone into traffic than to get that one extra car length ahead. And while we are at it, when the sign says "DO NOT BLOCK INTERSECTION," that doesn't mean you get to honk at me when I don't pull forward into the intersection that is NOT supposed to be blocked.

Side note, I am irritated with the copier at my place of employ. It only allows you to make copies in the double digits. If I need 100 copies, I must make 99 and then another 1. It's pretty annoying. I guess I could do 50 then another 50 but how obnoxious is that?

Freaky Sleeper

I have issues. Anyone who knows me will not dispute this. A major disturbance in my life right now is my difficulty sleeping. I have been trying all kinds of things. I have seen 3 different doctors undergone several different sleep studies and been prescribed pharmaceutical assistances most of it to no avail. The sleep studies discovered that I have a not-so-safe tendency to stop breathing at various times while I sleep. The solution for this has been a CPAP machine. It looks very similar to the face masks that you see fighter pilots wear in movies. It is this triangle shaped thing that covers my nose then has a strap that goes up to my forehead and wraps around the back of my head. There are also straps that attach to the bottom of the triangle wrap around near my chin and meet in the back. It makes me look soooo pretty! Even with sleep aides I have difficulty falling asleep so added to this wonderful head gear I wear, I also have an eye mask to keep out light because I am hyper-sensitive to anytime my roommates turn on their lights. AND I have a hard time shutting of my brain at night despite the sleep aide so I have headphones on so that I can listen to music. The way I use the music to shut off my brain is that I listen to movie scores and concentrate on remembering what part of the movie this particular piece of music plays during. Or I even have a mix of music scores and I try to identify which movie it comes from. This may sound odd, but it helps me think about something other than dwelling on the things that keep my brain racing at a million miles a minutes. With all this gear, I must look totally insane. Luckily I don't share sleeping quarters with anyone and I am not usually woken by anyone other than my alarm clock. But basically I am one freaky sleeper!

The XX and XY dilemma.

The average age for marriage in Utah seems to be moving more to the late 20's than to late teens-early 20's. The dilemma with this is that we as a community are not sure what to do with this growing population. It used to be for girls that you went from your parent's house to your husband's house. For boys it was parent's house, mission home, parent's house again and own home with the wifey. I was pleasantly surprised when I moved to the East Millcreek area 3 years ago that at 24, I was actually one of the younger unmarried singles at the time. That was great! I wasn't made to feel bad for not being married already (unless you count Grandma) and most of the people I befriended were at the same point I was. We were done with school and basically just working and trying hard not to feel the ever present pressure to get married. People deal with this time in different ways, I have friends who spend their time and money acquiring the nicer things in life that wouldn't be possible if they were married. I also have friends who continue to live the rock-star life traveling to out-of-state concerts, taking international vacations and the like. I have friends who save up to buy their own home or to upgrade their living situations. In all of these cases, though we don't like to admit it, we are just spinning our wheels. Unfortunately there is a perception that adult life doesn't truly begin until marriage. I think people focus so much on the next step that once they get there they don't know what to do. Luckily I realize that marriage will not be a solution to my problems, or that everything is roses after marriage. In fact I am rather looking forward to the adventures and obstacles that follow marriage.

I was having a discussion about relationships with two boys lately and one was expressing his frustration at how difficult it is to date and how many obstacles there are to overcome in a relationship. For this person in particular especially, I feel that the biggest obstacle we have is ourselves. I am usually cognizant (belatedly) of the things that I do to sabotage myself and am trying to be more aware of my actions. I was also expressing some frustration at my current dating/relationship status. I happened to say in a not so clear way, that I felt like I was ready to be married. Dave, the second boy, asked me to clarify and stated that he knew I was not ready for marriage. I didn't mean to say that I could get married tomorrow. What I was trying to express was that I feel at this point I could probably survive okay if I were to get married. Obviously never having been married I can never know how it's going to be until it happens, but I believe that even 6 months ago I would not have been adequately prepared enough to be married. What I mean by prepared is my emotional, mental and communicative states. Of course I will probably get down the line another 6 months and think how stupid it was for me to say this, but time will tell.

I have found it ironic that as far as chromosomes go women are XX and men are XY, because a lot of the time we as women often find ourselves asking Y? I guess that if coupling were easy, then everyone would be doing it. (Although sometimes it seems like everyone is) The reason I have found myself asking why tonight is because of how stupidly mean people are sometimes. I certainly hope that they don't intentionally try to cause emotional distress, but they just seem so oblivious to the obvious pain that their actions cause it causes one to wonder. A dear friend recently had a break-up and betrayal by a friend and is continually being reminded of said betrayal by both the girl and boy involved. Now, I do question the girl's motives as she was aware of the situation at the time, but I wonder how this boy could know someone as well as he did and think that acting like everything is okay will work out. It just kills me to see other people cry.

Guilty Confessions

I had an epiphany today. My brother was looking at my Facebook page and asked me why I had almost 300 friends. He says it is ridiculous because there is no way I actually talk to all of these people on a regular basis. I was making a joke to someone new on Facebook about how addicting it can be and I also said something about how it was the only legal form of stalking. Facebook allows you to check up on people and find out what is going on in their lives without actually talking to them. It was a joke but after I finished I realized how completely true it was! I must admit that if I want to know what's going on with someone I check their recent activity on Facebook. I believe I have heard it referred to as wall stalking. I am GUILTY!

I have also become more aware of what I have on my page. There are things that I may think are funny but someone who doesn't know me, or hasn't interacted with me in a long time could misinterpret. On one hand I want to say "who cares?" because people are going to think what they want to and ultimately the opinions of others shouldn't (and don't) matter to me. But here is the thing. I have become very aware recently not of what other people think but of the example that I am setting for the people around me. So I now prefer to err on the side of caution. Because when it comes down to it I would rather people think better of me than they probably should then to think the worst of me unjustly. I probably won't change the world or even my community, but someday I would like to think that someone can say that I was a positive influence in their life, if only for a little while.

Warning! The Jones' are coming!

I've decided that we as a society have some pretty messed up priorities. Two weeks ago my sister was in a car accident on the I-215. After it was determined that it was not her fault, the party at fault's insurance has sprung for a rental car until the damage could be assessed. It has now come back that they car is going to be totaled. (the price to repair the deployed airbags alone was $1500) The reason this affects me is that I had been using this vehicle in my travelings for work. On Monday I got to try out the rental. It is a Chevy Cobalt with an extremely nice stereo system. The speakers rock and it has a CD player. On the dash is one of the fun things to tell you what the exterior temperature is. The odd thing about this car is that it does not have power locks or power windows. To unlock the back doors you literally have to reach back and pull up the lever. As for the windows even my car which is 9 years old and has no CD player, has power windows. Now it could just be that I've gotten lazy, but I don't want to sit there and crank down the window. Thankfully it is not my vehicle.

I should mention also that I think my family should come with some kind of warning label. A flashing sign that warns people we are coming, or some kind of advance person with a bull horn. Let me explain. Anyone who knows me or any member of my family knows that we have a pretty odd sense of humor. We are also masters of the deadpan. Just the other day I fooled my roommate who has been a good friend for at least 2 years into thinking that I didn't know Jurassic Park was fake. To obtain the rental vehicle my dad, sister and brother went to the rental agency (shortly after stripping the old vehicle of anything and everything valuable.) The lady at the rental agency was explaining the rules; no smoking, no pets, no drag racing, and the vehicle was not to be used as a getaway car. At this point my brother acted all dejected and said, "Well, there goes my weekend." And of course none of them are cracking a smile or laughing so this lady was thinking maybe he was serious. A little later my sister mentions that it's too bad we don't have a jungle to abandon the rental car in. * See explanation Yep, that poor lady didn't know what to say so she feigned ignorance.

Explanation: My family has really bad luck with rental cars. There is no specific agency or country that this applies to because we have tried different agencies and not always in the USA. Once when traveling to California we had reserved one of those big passenger vans that you see prisoners transported in. (not an entirely unlikely use for us) When we got to the agency they didn't have any and so we ended up having to drive two suburbans instead. (Back when gas was only $1.19) The same problem happened a few years later with another agency and so we ended up shoving 8 adults (and if you know my family, I've got some large in stature brothers and a similar brother-in-law) into one single suburban. It was seriously the worst car trip EVER as far as comfort went. But the best one of all happened when we went to Cancun for Christmas one year. There were seven of us in a suburban, but I was probably 14 so space was not an issue for us yet. We had spent the day somewhere around Cancun snorkeling and were heading back to our hotel/suite. It had gotten dark and all we had taken with us was our swim gear. (We even had matching tye dye shirts, I kid you not) Halfway through our 90 minute return trip the car breaks down on the highway. So here we are in swimsuits, T-shirts and towels. It is pitch dark, there is not much traffic and did I mention the highway was smack dab in the middle of the jungle? And the problem is not a tire or something fixable, the car just sucks. And we have no cell service. So in my naivete I am expecting to have our tires stolen out from underneath us or to be attacked by a large beast from the jungle which is a foot from my window. My dad gets out and puts the little triangle markers that semi's use back behind us so that if in fact anyone happens upon us they will have ample warning and won't sideswipe us. Hoping to attract more attention, my dad commandeered my brother's neon cover your eyes yellow shirt, so that he can try and wave someone down. So at this point we are wondering how we are going to get back. And I can't remember what else had happened, but this was not the only problem we had had with this vehicle. Luckily a friendly hotel resort bus driver happened along and offered us a ride. No one was on the bus and my parents were both so mad at the rental company that we emptied all of our stuff out of the vehicle and loaded it in the bus. The nice gentleman took us back to our hotel and the next morning my dad let the rental agency know the general area where they could find the car if it was still there, because we were not going back to it. (The point of all that was to explain why my sister would be disappointed that we couldn't abandon the rental in the jungle. Although I don't know how much she remembers because if I was 14 she was only 7.)

Today

Today I will be happy
Today I will pray
Today I will befriend someone new
Today I will do my best in everything
Today I will read my scriptures
Today I will give thanks for being alive
Today I will be an observer
Today I will be an active participant
Today I will have good posture
Today I will enjoy nature

Today I will have hope