The average age for marriage in Utah seems to be moving more to the late 20's than to late teens-early 20's. The dilemma with this is that we as a community are not sure what to do with this growing population. It used to be for girls that you went from your parent's house to your husband's house. For boys it was parent's house, mission home, parent's house again and own home with the wifey. I was pleasantly surprised when I moved to the East Millcreek area 3 years ago that at 24, I was actually one of the younger unmarried singles at the time. That was great! I wasn't made to feel bad for not being married already (unless you count Grandma) and most of the people I befriended were at the same point I was. We were done with school and basically just working and trying hard not to feel the ever present pressure to get married. People deal with this time in different ways, I have friends who spend their time and money acquiring the nicer things in life that wouldn't be possible if they were married. I also have friends who continue to live the rock-star life traveling to out-of-state concerts, taking international vacations and the like. I have friends who save up to buy their own home or to upgrade their living situations. In all of these cases, though we don't like to admit it, we are just spinning our wheels. Unfortunately there is a perception that adult life doesn't truly begin until marriage. I think people focus so much on the next step that once they get there they don't know what to do. Luckily I realize that marriage will not be a solution to my problems, or that everything is roses after marriage. In fact I am rather looking forward to the adventures and obstacles that follow marriage.
I was having a discussion about relationships with two boys lately and one was expressing his frustration at how difficult it is to date and how many obstacles there are to overcome in a relationship. For this person in particular especially, I feel that the biggest obstacle we have is ourselves. I am usually cognizant (belatedly) of the things that I do to sabotage myself and am trying to be more aware of my actions. I was also expressing some frustration at my current dating/relationship status. I happened to say in a not so clear way, that I felt like I was ready to be married. Dave, the second boy, asked me to clarify and stated that he knew I was not ready for marriage. I didn't mean to say that I could get married tomorrow. What I was trying to express was that I feel at this point I could probably survive okay if I were to get married. Obviously never having been married I can never know how it's going to be until it happens, but I believe that even 6 months ago I would not have been adequately prepared enough to be married. What I mean by prepared is my emotional, mental and communicative states. Of course I will probably get down the line another 6 months and think how stupid it was for me to say this, but time will tell.
I have found it ironic that as far as chromosomes go women are XX and men are XY, because a lot of the time we as women often find ourselves asking Y? I guess that if coupling were easy, then everyone would be doing it. (Although sometimes it seems like everyone is) The reason I have found myself asking why tonight is because of how stupidly mean people are sometimes. I certainly hope that they don't intentionally try to cause emotional distress, but they just seem so oblivious to the obvious pain that their actions cause it causes one to wonder. A dear friend recently had a break-up and betrayal by a friend and is continually being reminded of said betrayal by both the girl and boy involved. Now, I do question the girl's motives as she was aware of the situation at the time, but I wonder how this boy could know someone as well as he did and think that acting like everything is okay will work out. It just kills me to see other people cry.
1 comment:
It honestly hurts when you say things like "boys are stupid." It's not that only boys are stupid; people in every category can be stupid, but right now you want males to notice and be kind to you, so you see their flaws better than those of other people.
There are also men who are really good and trying to be better, and when you make comments like that, it's like they don't have a chance and you are just saying things to make yourself feel better for a moment by hurting someone else. Your comforting yourself that way comes at their expense; you are tearing down good people along with the bad.
Say all you want that this boy said something insensitive, but be fair to the rest of us who are desperately trying just like you.
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