Concert Attendance Pet Peeves

I went to a concert Saturday night down in Provo and noticed some things that I would like to address. To start off, parking was an absolute disaster since every single parking lot near the club had signs that proclaimed that it was for their patrons only. 95% of those businesses were closed but seeing as how college towns seem to be patroled more, we had to find alternate parking. Which of course meant we had to walk a bit to get to our destination. First, you should know that it was an interesting crowd for several reasons. It was advertised as an all ages concert and it definitely was. The youngest person there was 7 years old and the oldest was probably in her early 60's at least. Also there were a lot of couples. I don't know if this is a Provo thing or just that this artist appeals to couples. (I don't know why, most of her songs are about jerky men and how tired she is and wants to get rid of them which is part of why I adore her songs. That and her use of the piano.) There also seemed to be a higher ratio of tall people than I am used to. Again, is this a Provo thing? Because if it's something in the water I would totally buy some of that. The result of all these tall people of course is that despite the 2 inch heels I was wearing I couldn't even see the stage which was pretty remarkable since the venue in question was not much bigger than my apartment. So my pet peeves for concerts come down to a few simple things. I will start with things that performers do to irritate me.

• When it is announced that the concert starts at 7:30 p.m. this does not mean that your opening act comes on at 8:15. That's why you have an opening act, so that you can continue to prepare or whatever it is that you do before a show.
  
• Know your audience. I realize that you do hundreds of shows a year but perhaps a little knowledge of your audience would be helpful. For instance, jokes about porn hair and the use of foul language are not going to go over very well in Provo.
  
• When your opening act is done, please don't make the audience wait 30 minutes before you come on. Especially when that crowd has been standing on their feet for 2 hours already because the venue has no seating at all.

Things that concert attendees do that irritate me, and not all of these relate to the concert I went to on Saturday.

• You may not have paid money specifically to see the opening act, but that doesn't mean you get to treat them badly. Everyone starts somewhere, give them a break. Don't stand in the front row and carry on a shouting conversation on your cell phone the entire time they are performing!
  
• In a standing room only venue, don't push! Crowding the people in front of you may get you a couple of inches closer to the stage, but it also creates more body heat in an area that is already pretty hot.
  
• In a standing room only venue, don't leave your place and then expect to get it back. You leave, you lose your spot. That's just the way it goes.
  
• When attending a choral or orchestral performance, DO NOT clap between movements. You don't clap between the verse and chorus of a popular song, this is the same.
  
• When attending any performance that has a conductor, you DO NOT clap until the conductor lowers his or her arms, it's just bad form and you ruin the flow.
  
• If you intend to leave a concert early, DO NOT choose the front row. It is inconsiderate to those who intend to stay the whole time and it's rude to your performer especially when they can see you leave. Even when you are leaving early to avoid traffic, it's still insulting.
  
• Do not mock people who actually know the music you are listening to. As long as they are not drowning out the performer(s), let them enjoy themselves, even if it means they are swaying back and forth and lip syncing. Let's face it, you just aren't as cool as them.
  
• DO NOT complain at the price the performer charges for their merchandise. It is discounted from what you would be charged at a media outlet! Particularly artists playing small venues because it usually indicates that they are just starting out. Give them a break, $5 for an eleven track CD is not bad.

Feel free to let me know if there are any important ones you feel I have missed, these are just the ones I can think of right now.