Kids Say the Darndest Things, Vol.3

Kid J2: Dream on, Drama Queen. (Said to me when I asked him not to push other kids at recess)

Kid A3: (whispering to other kids) She drinks Diet Coke so that she won't hit us.*

Me: Why do you think Leonardo DaVinci wrote from right to left instead of left to right which is how we write?
Kid J: Because he had 5 fingers on his left hand?

Kid A1: You call it fun, I call it torture!

Kid J: Will you please make me cry so that I don't have to go to the assembly?

Kid J: You cannot correct me because I am right always!


*I have not, nor will I ever hit children! For some reason this kid associates my mood with whether or not I have had my Diet Coke for the day. I can neither confirm nor deny that my level of frustration depends on Diet Coke.

Great TV Quotes II

The Big Bang Theory

Sheldon: I believe you know why I'm here.
Penny: I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.

Sheldon: The four of you are three of my closest friends, and one treasured acquaintance.

Sheldon: Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?

Leonard: When we watch Frosty the Snowman, he roots for the sun.
Sheldon: Excuse me, but the sun is essential for all life on earth. Frosty is merely a bit of frozen, supernatural ephemera in a stolen hat. A crime, by the way, for which he is never brought to account.

Modern Family

Manny: You have a laugh that makes science lab seem like recess.

Phil: You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation. {referring to alcohol}

Gloria: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our culture, the Baby Jesus is the one that brings the presents, not the Santa Claus.
Jay: That's doesn't make sense. How could a new born baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
Manny: At least a baby could fit through a chimney.
Jay: How could you sit on the Baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish him.

Community

Winger: She has more fights about something that doesn't matter than a Youtube comments channel.

Jeff: Vaughn doesn't ever wear shoes or a shirt. How has he not died from a lack of service?

Shirley: I believe that fusing brownies with the Internet is going to create the next Napster for brownies.

Jeff: Can't I be the friend in the group whose trademark is his well-defined boundaries like Privacy Smurf, Discrete Bear or Confidentiality Spice?

The Office

Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight: Of course I seesaw, Mose and I seesaw all the time.

Michael: How's everybody doing?
Jim: Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half.
Michael: That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus ruined the party. Petulant Jesus.
Angela: Are you serious? That is so offensive.

Ryan: Okay. So, um. Listen. I know about your diabolical plan.
Dwight: What?! "Diabolical plan?" I wouldn't even know how to begin-
Ryan: [holds up My Diabolical Plan by Dwight K. Schrute] I found a copy of it in the copier tray.

Dwight: In an ideal world I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.

The Muppets: Bohemian Rhapsody

Found my new favorite channel on YouTube!!!!

Things Remembered

A trip down memory lane was inevitable with my birthday coming up especially since it is my last birthday in my twenties. Here are a few things I don't want to forget:

• Glowworms! I loved that thing when I was a kid.
  
  
• Rainbow Bright, who ended up being used by the neighborhood kids as a fun thing to run over with their car.



• Slap bracelets, back when they were made of metal and could really hurt!


• Jelly shoes, the down side to them was if it was hot and your feet sweat, your feet would then slide around in them.
  
  
• Sewing classes where I learned all I needed to know to make my own pillowcases.



• The awful black and brown carpet in the kitchen of my childhood home.



• Climbing on the top of the dog house to get on the roof when I wasn't supposed to!



• My fear of grapefruit knives after nearly slicing off my middle finger while trying to eat some grapes.



• The first time I saw my baby brother. I remember thinking that he was the fattest baby I had ever seen.



• My parents waterbed. Why did people ever think those were comfortable?



• Mazes in the backyard. My dad used to let the grass grow long and then use the lawnmower to carve mazes in the grass.



• Homemade music videos. I have a very vivid memory of my sister and I with the two boys next door making a music video complete with "plot" to the song "Blackcat" by Janet Jackson.



• Hiding things in the drop-down ceiling of my bedroom.



• Sharing a room with my sister that also doubled as the laundry room and a bathroom. It was a big room, but interesting as far as functionality.



• Driving the forklift when I was 12. Man that was scary!!



• Camping with the family in Yellowstone. This was also the trip that my Oma told me she had a dream about Pierce Brosnan and that "he was a good kisser." TMI!!!



• Driving through farmland on a trip and yelling "Beef Jerky" at the cows as we passed.



• Chuck-a-rama every year with the extended family for my Opa's birthday. He loved that place.



• Climbing the wall behind the house to pick cherries off the neighbor's tree.

Things Remembered Pictures

Like Sands Through the Hourglass.....

Kids Say the Darndest Things Vol. 2

• Kid J: I want to go to the quiet area, will you please upset and disturb me?
  
  
• Kid T: (to me) Are you getting married today? Me: Umm, no. What makes you think that?Kid T: Well you are wearing earrings today and you don't usually so I thought you might be getting married.
  
  
• Kid F: Do you think I'm sexy? (This is an eleven year old asking me this!!)
  
  
• Kid A1: I'm pretty sure that everything in this whole book is boring as hell.
  
  
• Kid J: You are fired! I am calling the police so that they can fire you! I am going to sue the whole school!!
  
  
• Kid A3: I don't like talking. Me: But everytime I try to teach you won't stop talking, but when I give you time specifically to talk you don't say a word. Kid A3: I think better when you teach and I talk.

Favorite Actor Transformations

My favorite actors/actresses are the ones that are versatile. People who disappear into the role and make you believe it. Here are a few of my favorites:

Paul Reuben from PeeWee Herman to the sidekick vampire in Buffy the Vamire Slayer movie, to doubtful super-hero in Mystery Men.

Gary Oldman who was fabulous as Count Dracula, the villian in The Fifth Element and more recently Sirius Black in the Harry Potter movies.

Guy Pearce in Orson Well's Time Machine and then Alexander Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo.

Robert DeNiro who went from tough CIA guy in Meet the Parents to cross-dressing pirate in Stardust.

Jack Black who despite his often goofy antics was able to make me believe he could be someone's love interest in The Holiday.

Emma Thompson who is equally comfortable as Nanny McPhee, Professor Trewlaney from Harry Potter, English lady, or as a tortured author in Stranger Than Fiction.

Amy Adams who uglied it up in Julie and Julia after being stunningly beautiful in Miss Pettigrew Lives For a Day and in Enchanted.

Neil Patrick Harris who won my heart as kid doctor Doogie Howser to ladies man Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother.

Don Cheadle as sexy criminal in the Ocean's movies to superspy in Traitor. (I love me an accent on a good looking man, killer combo.)

Coming soon: WORST casting choices ever!