Festival of Colors March 27, 2010

Kids Say the Darndest Things Vol. 4

Some more gems that have come my way of late.

A1: "Look! It's snowing. Hurry, someone hug me."

J1: "Epic snow! Thank you for your epicness."

J2: "Were watches invented when you were little?"

A4: " You're a woman, right?"

F: "My cousin says your crazy because you won't teach me times tables."
Me: "Well, I can't teach you those until know your addition and subtraction."
F: "Do I really have to know those first?!"

And this one from a recent episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. I will set the scene, children are approaching the pulpit of a Baptist church and saying things about Easter. Afterwards they receive some candy before the sit down. One child approaches the microphone and says, "I did not prepare a speech. I would like my candy anyway." So funny!

Signs You Live With an Octogenarian

1. Your tupperware is one of two things A) actual Tupperware brand purchased 30 years ago, or B) cottage cheese and yogurt containers
2. You are asked at least once a week to "Smell this, tell me if it's ok," because they don't trust expiration dates.
3. Ziploc bags are to be washed out so they can be reused.
4. Spices are in tin canisters which have not been manufactured for over 15 years according to the manufacturer.
5. You now have 6 packages of dried mango because, "They were on sale." This can apply to anything food related that you don't need. Like two more cans of cream of chicken soup.... even though you already have 45 cans.
6. Cooking oil is refrigerated along with Bisquick.
7. Music other than Michael Buble, Josh Groban, the Mormon Tabernacle choir or classical music is "noise."
8. You have collectible Avon cologne and perfume bottles in your basement.
9. Certain carpet is NOT for walking on because the carpet is new...... 20 years ago.
10. Tiled bathrooms have been covered with wall-to-wall carpet.
11. Dress ups boxes also include old pill boxes.
12. There are National Geographics dating back to the early '70's in your home.
13. There are so many pill bottles in the bathroom that you actually could open your own pharmacy.
14. Favorite TV shows are still recorded on VHS.
15. Plastic silverware is collected to be washed and used again.
16. Putting a hot dish out of the oven onto the stovetop is NOT allowed. It may ruin the stovetop by scratching it.
17. Your measuring cups are metal and possibly rusty.
18. Any gathering of young people consisting of more than 3 people is a "wild party."
19. Plans for dinner include a suggestion of something, only then to find the ingredients and recipe laid out for you to make.
20. Common words you hear are "gallivanting," and "shennanigans" in relation to your social life.

Beware of Identity Theft!

I love animals, especially soft furry ones. I got an email warning me about identity theft and these were the pictures that accompanied it. I just want to pick them all up because they are so darn cute. It make me miss my dog, Fishy.

My Favorite Things

I've had a pretty awful couple of days and needed to remind myself of the good things. So, for my sake a list of some of my favorite things.

• The pet background on the Weather Channel Desktop app, especially the boxer one.
• Sunshine and soft grass. Particularly after a long walk.
• The smell of clean sheets, silky pillowcases and my pillowtop bed.
• Good friends that let you cry to them on the phone.
• Random notes that let you know someone thinks about you.
• Leftover Chinese food, cold.
• Great music that is best heard through headphones.
• Unexpected visits from far-off family.
• Cold fresh water for drinking.
• Sunday meetings that rejuvenate my soul.

Kutiman-Thru-you - 03 - I'm New

The mother of all mash-ups. The music is made up ENTIRELY of a mash-up of the audio and video from YouTube videos.This guy is a total genius! Check out the rest of his stuff on YouTube, just search for Kutiman-Thru-You

You Could Fill Books!!

A quote from the movie Ratatouille: "You could fill a book - a lot of books - with things Dad doesn't know. And they have." Well here are a few things I don't know.

• I don't know why kids think they can lie to me. I have witnessed with my own eyes one kid hitting another and the hitter will staunchly defend himself, knowing full well that I saw him.
• I don't know why people like Jell-O so much. Is it because it is cheap? Because frankly, it all kind of creeps me out. Jell-O pudding is fine, but that weirdly translucent gooey stuff that is supposed to be food? And why have people gone to such lengths to fill it with odd stuff? Like the lime Jell-O with carrots and walnuts in it? Ewww.
• I don't know why my favorite (and pricey) Chinese restaurant has the BEST food in the world, but the WORST spring rolls. The spring rolls I get at the elementary school cafeteria are much better. Kinda sad.
• I don't know why certain networks (ie CBS) have not jumped on the Hulu bandwagon. It annoys me to have to wade through their poorly designed website to find what I am looking for. Also any network not willing to stream full episodes online. Join the future of television!
• I don't know why I continue to get Spam mail addressed to "Dan" and usually advertising things related to being male. I don't know any men, nor have I heard of any, named Danica.
• I don't know why certain adults in my life have suddenly realized that they know all these single attractive men they can set me up with. Perhaps it's because I am now less than 365 days from reaching the age of 30?

Funny Talking Animals

Sooooo funny!!

Gone and Hopefully Forgotten

I saw something today that used to be somewhat fashionable and has since disappeared. And after seeing it again today I am convinced it should stay that way. So in honor of the rat tail I saw today, here is my list of the thing that are (or should be) gone and should stay forgotten.

1. Rat tails. Short hair everywhere but that really long piece in the back. Ewww.
2. Mullets. I have started to see children at my school with these. Another eww.
3. Chuck Norris. Seriously. All the Chuck Norris stuff. Can't stand it.
4. The giant spoiler on your car. At some point it begins to look like a purse handle like some giant could pick up your car and carry it.
5. Ugs. I don't even know if that's how you spell it, but they are just boots. Why are you wearing giant boots and shorts? It just looks dumb.
6. Overly bleached hair almost to the point of being white instead of blond, especially on boys. For some reason this has become a trend at my elementary school. No one under the age of 12 should be dying their hair. There is no reason.
7. Giant headphones. Technology has improved, you don't need to wear traffic controller earphones to listen to your itty-bitty iPod Shuffle.
8. Bret Michaels. Poison had some good songs back in the day, but must we drag their frontman away from his trashy harem to test out his "business" sense on The Apprentice?

Ode to my Roommate

Deep in our Refrigerator by Jack Prelutsky*

Deep in our refrigerator,
there's a special place
for food that's been around awhile...
[she] keep[s] it just in case.
"It's probably too old to eat,"
my [roommate] likes to say.
"But I don't think it's old enough
for me to throw away."

It stays there for a month or more
to ripen in the cold
and soon [I] notice fuzzy clumps
of multicolored mold.
The clumps are larger every day,
[I] notice this as well,
but mostly what [I] notice
is a certain special smell.

When finally it all becomes
a nasty mass of slime,
my [roommate] takes it out, and says,
"Apparently, it's time."
She dumps it in the garbage can,
though not without regret,
then fills the space with other food
that's not so ancient yet.


*Edits and emphasis added for comedic effect