It is hard to know whether I have been more indoctrinated by chick flicks or the romances of those around me. I take a look at my reality and can't decide if I am being unrealistic about my expectations because I expect too much, or not enough. Does romance even exist in the traditional sense anymore? It has become increasingly more common for people to meet their mates online. I know someone who "met" his wife while playing an online shooter game. For the most part I consider myself a realist, I am aware that every relationship will have it's problems, every person their own faults. Thanks to movies and the relationships of friends, I keep wondering why I am not getting "just because" flowers from the men I go out with. Or I wonder why someone doesn't just show up at my house because he knew I had a bad day. The thing about it is that while I love flowers and surprise visits I don't want to have to tell someone what I want and/or need. I know it's ridiculous because no one knows what I am thinking but me, it would just be nice to know that someone is thinking of me without any prodding. A great example of a fabulous marital relationship is my parents but I think that they are perhaps the exception instead of the rule.
My current expectations come with an understanding that the older I get the more awkward dating has become. So many things about dating have changed. It used to be that there was a waiting period between when you went out with someone and when it was considered appropriate to call. Now you can text someone as soon as you leave with comments about your date. It was also considered a major faux pas to ask someone out by email or text, that should be done in person! Am I a fuddy duddy for wanting to build a relationship on actual time spent together instead of time communicating through an electronic device? Are we so insecure about ourselves that honest conversations can't happen in person anymore?
Ahh the movies. Where boy meets girl, something happens to tear them apart, all is forgiven and they live happily ever after. Can any woman really claim that a man has bought her 1,000 flowers, one for every moment he thought about her? I doubt it. I realize that I am coming across as a cynic and in the past I would have agreed. But now I come back to the original question. Do I expect too much or not enough? As I have been dating these last few months I have been of two minds. The realistic side of me accepts the fact that despite having been out with someone multiple times, I have never received flowers, words of undying devotion, sacrifices of time to spend with each other or blissfully long staring contests because that is not real. The other half of me wonders why when I have a spare hour effort is not made to spend it with me, or why I had to spell out in pretty specific terms that after so many dates it is expected that there should at least be some hand holding, or why even slightly encouraging words of affection are not expressed because that is just how romance works.
I guess that while I know that things that are worth it are worth working for, I have begun to wonder how much is too much work? Is it every just easy? Ever? I have a suspicion that the answer is probably an unequivocal no. And herein lies the rub. I have been indoctrinated/brainwashed for so many years that I can't even tell anymore which of my expectations are, in fact, my own or those that have been forced upon me.
1 comment:
Amen. How did we get here. Why is it so confusing now.
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