Confession time again. I've been a bad friend, one might say dead beat. I basically have 4 really good girl friends that are constants in my life. Three of these friends I haven't talked to in months and the only reason I have had any contact with the fourth is that her husband calls me so that I can babysit their baby while he takes his wife out. I am a great listener when people have problems and need to talk or not talk. I am horrible however at communicating my needs. I tend to become reclusive and then feel bad when no one contacts me. I also tend to feel guilty about burdening others with my "problems" especially because I often feel that compared to the trials of others, my worries pale in comparison.
I continue to struggle with balance in my life as well and I still haven't figured out how to adjust my priorities so that I am not totally overcome by a single aspect of my life. I never seem to be in the right place with my spirituality, personal life, family life and career all at the same time. My excuse is usually work but after today I no longer have that excuse. (Explanation forth-coming, stay tuned) It makes for a pretty lonely existence. And now that I have had a REALLY awful day (fired) I am too ashamed about being a bad friend to call my friends and let them commiserate. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to break. Putting down roots won't do me any good if I can't nurture and water them. Maybe that's why the cactus in my room is dying.
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