Death By Choking [comedy]

Happy Halloween!

The Voca People

Very cool concept!

Resigned to Reality

Sometimes people aren't always smart. Say for example, me. So I lost my phone Saturday and couldn't figure out where it was since I hadn't really gone anywhere. Luckily at 3:30 a.m. on Sunday/Monday I sat bolt upright in bed because I realized it might be on the front lawn. I jumped out of bed and went to look and indeed there was my phone, sitting on the front lawn. Chilled, a little damp, but otherwise intact. Now here comes the stupid part. I also went out to my car to retrieve something from the front seat. Things get fuzzy here but I was almost positive that I locked the car before going back in to go to sleep. Whilst getting into my car the next morning to go to work I noticed that everything that had once been in my center console was now strewn across the driver's seat. The door was (still?) locked so I unlocked it and realized that someone had indeed rifled through my car. My change drawer, which I never open, was still wide open and all the coins in my cup holder were gone. It suddenly dawned on me that the day before since I was wearing a skirt that did not have pockets, that I had unintentionally left my wallet IN MY CAR. Yep, that's right the thief took my wallet which happened to include a large portion of money, my driver's license and a couple other valuable things. It also occured to me only today that my entire CD collection is also missing. Sixteen years of gathering what I consider to be a very fine music collection is now gonzo. 536 of some of my most precious possessions just disappeared. Honestly I should be the most upset about the money because I will never get it back. But strangely enough I have been the most devastated by the loss of my CD's. I have resigned myself to the fact that not only am I now broke for the next 18 days, but I will have to start all over again, building a collection ver near and dear to my heart. Some of those CD's were signed by the band members! Dang it.

Dating Do's and Don'ts (For Men)

Some of the Do's:

• Do open doors and pull out chairs for me.
• Do ask me about the temperature in the car.
• Do make it clear that the outing is a date. A phrase such as "It's a date" while planning works quite effectively.
• Do warn me about proper attire. I don't mind if you keep our activity a surprise but give me advance warning if I will need a rain poncho or hiking boots.
• Do let me know if you are going to be late. A text is usually sufficient.
• Do include me in the planning. It can be fun to take turns. But make it clear if you intend to pay or not.

And the Don'ts:

• Don't be offended if I don't wait for you to open my door. It's possible that I have been single for a while and have become accustomed to doing things on my own. It does not mean I don't want you to.
  
• Don't try to be sneaky. When I tell you that I have played the piano for 22 years, it's pretty obvious that you are trying to find out how old I am when you ask at what age I started. Just ask me.
  
• Don't assume after one date that I know what time you will be coming for the next date.
  
• DO NOT wait until the afternoon of the date to confirm that you do in fact have a date. Especially when you had not discussed specific times or activities beforehand.
• DO NOT rely on text messaging to arrange a date. Call me old fashioned but I would rather that you call me. After we have established exclusivity, texting can be fine.
• DO NOT take me home to meet your parents on a first date. So scary!
• Don't shake my hand at the end of a date. Ask if a hug is appropriate I am usually happy to oblige.

Just a few tips. Here's to hoping you don't need them!

Hazards of the Mall

I have spent more time in malls lately than I usually do doing some essential shopping with a close friend who is preparing for a wedding and I thought I would point out some mall oddities.

Malls should be a standard layout. The University Mall in Provo is HUGE and I had never been before. Instead of a standard T or H shape this mall is some kind of shape I don't even know what I would have to get an aerial view to figure it out. I was on my own for a while and got confused to where I was, partly because there was a Pretzelmaker at every turn. I only figured out where I was by looking at the employees.

Kiosks in the mall. Sigh. I don't mind the ones where the people sit at their little booths and wait for a patron to browse before they pounce and tell you about their product. However, there are the few that pray on the lone shopper. This time it was the exotic facial and hand lotion kiosk that got me. As I was walking past a woman stepped in front of me and started her spiel and I immediately told her no. As I started to walk past she tried to goad me into conversation by claiming that I wouldn't talk to her because of her accent. I didn't justify myself, knowing that she just wanted me to stop long enough to engage her in conversation. On the other side of the mall I ran into an identical kiosk run this time by attractive foreign men. This time I caved. This good looking stranger with an accent was a charmer! I let him do his pitch while he caressed my hands and promoted the benefits of what essentially is exotic sugar. Then of course I felt guilty and told him I had no money, I also promised to walk back this way before his shift is over and maybe bring some money. Did I go back? Of course not, in fact my final destination would have taken me past him again so instead I left the mall and walked all the way on the outside of this monstrosity to my destination simply to avoid him. Sad right?

I have an inherently guilty conscience whether it is deserved or not. I was helping a friend shop for wedding bands for her betrothed and of course we visited more than one jewelry store. At the mall we went to there are 5 jewelers all within view of each other. We traversed from place to place where each pampered us with free water, jewelry cleaning and various promises of the best value. My problem came when we would go from one to another within full view of the salespeople who were just vying for our business. My guilt came from visiting the competitor and knowing that the other salespeople could see me doing it. Luckily my friend is not so guilt ridden, and merely dragged me behind her with a roll of the eyes.

Letter to the Principal

Dear Mr. C,

Welcome to our school. I hope you enjoy it here. Can you make it so that we get seconds at lunch?


Your friend,

Andrew

P.S. I like food.

New Music Discoveries

I have been on a girl music kick and found some new music artists that I have become a fan of because of my new roommate. Check them out!

Barlowgirl
Charlotte Martin
Emiliana Torrini
Britt Nicole
Natalie Grant
Kari Jobe
Laura Marling
Jaymay
Anuhea
Kate Earl
Hope Partlow

and Regina Spektor's new album!