Finally Over

Well, that's it. The school year is over. I was ecstatic and sad. In my class of 12 I had 6 of my students moving on to junior high. The other 6 get to have me next year too! Aren't they lucky? I am excited for the break but am having a hard time without a job to ground me in reality. I don't even know what day it is anymore! I have a bunch of stuff to share so look for more in the days to come. Toodles.

Lovin' It!

Kids Say the Darndest Things Vol. 5

A1: Do you ever wish you were married?

Me: Sure.

A1: You are just waiting for the right guy. Someone who loves animals. And is nice to you.

Me: Is that too much to ask?

A1: And not gay.

J1: Stupid Rastas*!!!

Me: J, we don't call people names. You need to apologize.

J1: I was using it as an adjective, NOT a noun!!

(At least I know he is learning something in my reading group?!)

A5: Did you know that Marco Polo is actually one person?

A4: "I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can deny, when a girl walks in ....."

At this point I stopped him and suggested that the song he was singing was not really appropriate for school. His reply?

A4: But I'm singing to attract me some honeys! Do you think it will work?

*Name changed to protect the relatively innocent.

IF...

If I had health insurance:

• I would take care of the carpal tunnel and tendonitis that has plagued me for 12 years.
• I would go to a dermatologist to check out some of the suspicious moles I have.
• I could replace the pieces and parts of my CPAP machine that should be replaced every 6 months.
• I would not have to turn to WebMD where I inexorably can't decide whether I have something serious like boils or just a zit. (Luckily it was just a zit)
• I would not be terrified that the chunk of my thumb that was just taken by a rusty nail would turn into tetanus, leading to a hospital stay and inevitably, death.
• Those "lady doctor" visits that I have never had could become a dream come true.
• I could have the strange vertigo that I have been having with increasing frequency diagnosed or at least explained.
• I would know for sure that the electrical impulses I can actually hear and feel going up my spinal cord are not a figment of my imagination.
• M-I-G-R-A-I-N-E-S. Perhaps a solution?

Festival of Colors March 27, 2010

Kids Say the Darndest Things Vol. 4

Some more gems that have come my way of late.

A1: "Look! It's snowing. Hurry, someone hug me."

J1: "Epic snow! Thank you for your epicness."

J2: "Were watches invented when you were little?"

A4: " You're a woman, right?"

F: "My cousin says your crazy because you won't teach me times tables."
Me: "Well, I can't teach you those until know your addition and subtraction."
F: "Do I really have to know those first?!"

And this one from a recent episode of America's Funniest Home Videos. I will set the scene, children are approaching the pulpit of a Baptist church and saying things about Easter. Afterwards they receive some candy before the sit down. One child approaches the microphone and says, "I did not prepare a speech. I would like my candy anyway." So funny!

Signs You Live With an Octogenarian

1. Your tupperware is one of two things A) actual Tupperware brand purchased 30 years ago, or B) cottage cheese and yogurt containers
2. You are asked at least once a week to "Smell this, tell me if it's ok," because they don't trust expiration dates.
3. Ziploc bags are to be washed out so they can be reused.
4. Spices are in tin canisters which have not been manufactured for over 15 years according to the manufacturer.
5. You now have 6 packages of dried mango because, "They were on sale." This can apply to anything food related that you don't need. Like two more cans of cream of chicken soup.... even though you already have 45 cans.
6. Cooking oil is refrigerated along with Bisquick.
7. Music other than Michael Buble, Josh Groban, the Mormon Tabernacle choir or classical music is "noise."
8. You have collectible Avon cologne and perfume bottles in your basement.
9. Certain carpet is NOT for walking on because the carpet is new...... 20 years ago.
10. Tiled bathrooms have been covered with wall-to-wall carpet.
11. Dress ups boxes also include old pill boxes.
12. There are National Geographics dating back to the early '70's in your home.
13. There are so many pill bottles in the bathroom that you actually could open your own pharmacy.
14. Favorite TV shows are still recorded on VHS.
15. Plastic silverware is collected to be washed and used again.
16. Putting a hot dish out of the oven onto the stovetop is NOT allowed. It may ruin the stovetop by scratching it.
17. Your measuring cups are metal and possibly rusty.
18. Any gathering of young people consisting of more than 3 people is a "wild party."
19. Plans for dinner include a suggestion of something, only then to find the ingredients and recipe laid out for you to make.
20. Common words you hear are "gallivanting," and "shennanigans" in relation to your social life.