The holidays are said to be a time of celebration and contemplation. We are supposed to rejoice in the gathering of our families and friends. I do like the holiday season, but mostly because it means I get time off from work. As a SSLF, the holiday season becomes one long explanation as to why I am not married. And I appreciate that people just want to see me move on in life and procreate, however let me just point out a few of the things that are frequently said that don't help.
"You are going to make a great mother, someday." Yes, I have perfected the swaying motion needed to calm my nephew down. I do not need your help to remind me that my younger sister has 2 children and that I need to "catch up." Someone actually told me to hurry and catch up, seriously! It's not like I am morally opposed to marriage and it's not like I just forgot that the next logical step in my life's progression is marriage. Oh my gosh, I totally forgot! I'll get right on that.
"You are so (insert compliment here), I don't understand why you aren't married yet." Thank you, I appreciate the compliment and if you feel the need to pass it on to any single men you may know, feel free. However, when you say this it doesn't make me feel better. It leaves me wondering why potential suitors do not see this and depending on what the compliment was it may leave me feeling inadequate and insecure.
"You're next!" Wow, really? Are you psychic? And does that mean next as in this year, or next as in sometime in the next decade? Wait, does that mean that after catching 5 different bridal bouquets, this one may actually mean something?
"Your time will come." I don't even know what to say to this one other than, no duh! I just hope that it happens in this lifetime. Thank you for reminding me that I am not getting any younger.
Another not so helpful or encouraging thing people do is to tell stories about how they knew someone they thought would never get married, blah, blah, blah.... Then one day when they were 35 they finally found that "special someone". Grrrr. I know that the story is meant to give hope and prove that sometimes it just takes longer for some people, but please refrain.
One thing that my family has taken to doing is to analyze ANYONE that is male in my life. My Oma has come up with some great things. When I was living with her last spring, a gentleman from my ward came over to practice a musical number and the first thing my Oma did when he left was to grill me about him. I gave her some basic facts and for weeks she would randomly ask about him and drop not so subtle hints like, "we could use a lawyer in the family."
The most insulting thing that people do is to suggest that maybe I am not trying hard enough. "Well, are you going to a singles ward?" Yes, I am. Do you really think the answer to my problem is to go to a singles ward? Besides the fact that I go to church to worship not to pick out a husband. There are equally insulting things people say such as, "maybe if you (insert action here)." Sigh And typically the thing that they are suggesting is something completely out of character for me. I am not going to change the fundamentals of who I am to attract someone, only to have them discover that I am not who they thought.
"You're just too picky." Ahhhhhh! Picky? Is that because you picked the first person to come around that you feel you need to say that? The thing that gets me is that the people who say this usually have NO clue as to what your dating history is, or any kind of obstacles you may need to overcome, etc. etc.
So may I suggest that before you impart some of your wisdom to those of us who aren't part of the blissfully married crowd, that you think about what you are saying. We feel enough pressure as it is without you reminding us that we do not belong to your club. Refrain from giving unsolicited advice about how "it happens when you least expect it," or "it happens when you stop looking" or something equally ridiculous and just let us live life at our own pace, even if it doesn't match the one that you are chugging along at.
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