The Inevitable Disappointment of New Years Resolutions

Every year millions, if not billions of people make new year's resolutions. Whether it be to learn a new language or drop a few pounds, the inevitability of disappointment is assured yet we continue year after year to vow to better ourselves because of course this year will be different. I will apologize in advance because I am feeling extremely cynical at the moment. I have had the same goal for the past three years. Yes, three years. Have I accomplished it? No. Unfortunately for this particular goal, there is a large element of it's outcome that I cannot control. My goal is something that is probably easier to accomplish than I make it, but my personality being what it is, it is probably something that is not likely to change.

That being said how do we overcome our natural tendency to run full tilt towards something until we lose steam and our enthusiasm dissipates? One thing that I tend to do, and I believe others do as well, is that we set specific dates such as the typical January 1st. We rationalize and say that we can do whatever we want because we will start at the beginning of the year, or we will start over tomorrow, etc etc. So we continue with bad habits and then expect that we can change them overnight. It's almost charming that we can be so optimistic especially since, if you are like me, I tend to stick with the same resolutions year after year.

And here we are 24 days into the new year and I have lost all of my resolve. A couple of my girlfriends and I decided we were tired of being pudgy and have tried to make a concerted effort to exercise and occasionally eat better. Evidence of how well this is going can be taken from our outing last night. Nadia, Rose and I, were trying to figure out which Hip Hop Abs workout to do when someone suggested going out for dessert. Which we did, and then of course decided to forgo exercising because we had just gorged ourselves on deep fried cheescake, blueberry pancakes and bacon. Instead we spent the rest of the night deciding on which Europe trip we are going to be taking later this year and how we can accomplish it.

I started out all gung-ho this year as I inevitably do every year. But because of personal experiences of late, I wonder if it's worth it. Why am I trying to conform to societal standards of beauty and femininity? I don't do it because I want to. I make the attempts because I have been ingrained with the belief that this is how things are. And because I do not match up, I am an inferior person. Frankly it's ridiculous and I am aware that it is ridiculous. But my fear is that if I don't conform I will never obtain that which I desire, an eternal companion because we are always judged by our outward appearance.

So how do I handle the conundrum? I don't really. I just waffle back and forth between resigning myself to reality and stubbornly refusing to accept it. So for today, I will stand my ground and accept that I mostly like who I am. As for tomorrow? I will probably wake up early and go to the gym.