I recently decided to end a relationship in my life and it was a decision that was probably overdue. I have often noted that the state of my bedroom is often a direct reflection of my mental state. In the the last few weeks my room has been an absolute disaster. I have had no desire to put things where they go or make any effort whatsoever to change the fact that I was literally tripping over things everyday, which often led to mild cursing. Since the end of said relationship I have cleaned my room and bathroom, kitchen, hallway and even managed to alphabetize the fridge magnets. And while the fridge thing was maybe a little extreme, it has helped me restore order to my mind and house.
The thing that was interesting was that ending the relationship was not as difficult as I imagined it would be. It sort of became a mutual parting and after I felt much better. Only now am I having a delayed reaction to the break-up. The seriously weird part is that I was reminded about how this person made me feel while I was at church which is a place he never went with me and was a major reason for our break-up. I realized that it is not so much HIM that I am missing, but the idea of him. It's the idea of someone who would send me text messages in the morning to ask how my day is going, or scare me during movie previews, or call me "Sweetie," that I miss the most.
I am not overjoyed that I now have to start over from scratch sometime in the (hopefully) near future with someone else. If anything I am comforted by the fact that the idea is still attainable. My faith and hope is still there and I actually have more confidence that someday eventually someone is going to love me for exactly who I am. All I can do is be the best version of me and trust that one day I will be someone's reality and not just their idea.
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