Self-Awareness sucks sometimes.

I am really frustrated with human behavior right now. Why do we as humans consciously make decisions or behave in ways that we know are detrimental to our well being? I'm not talking about the things that we do and maybe later can say that we should have known better. I am talking about actually knowing that what you are doing is just going to bring heartache and yet continuing anyway. I would love to, but can't claim that I have not done this in the past or that I will not in the future. I'm even pretty sure that a current situation in my life is one of those as well. One of the things that keeps me from being self-destructive is because of the self-awareness that I possess. Now obviously nobody is TOTALLY self aware, but I like to think that I am usually cognizant of the thought process that motivates me to behave in a certain way. Having not always been aware, I find it hard not to point out to people what they are doing if I see it. It becomes even more difficult when it is someone I truly care for.

A great deal of my frustration would be eased if I just didn't care and realized that people are responsible for themselves. I am cursed with an overabundance of empathy and a desire to "fix" people or things. And I do mean overabundance. Other people's problems cause me to cry a lot quicker than my own, and I have a few. If someone around me is in pain, I feel it. I hate being that person! My life would be simpler and a lot less dramatic if I could just not care. I don't want to make people feel guilty or feel like they are being judged. It irritates me to no end when someone patronizes me with "that look." The look that says, "I'm going to let you continue to do what you are doing, but I don't approve." I have been getting that look a lot lately and it is infuriating. But I am pretty sure I gave that look to someone tonight and I am ticked off at myself. Now I find myself in a predicament. I actually know why most people give that look!! It is because they are concerned for you and it comes from love, and hopefully not to make the giver of the look feel better about their own life.

I know that people need to live their own lives and that we have a free will and choice, but sometimes it just sucks!