Confessions

I have an obsession with pomegranates. I have Pomegranate peach shampoo and conditioner, Midnight pomegranate hand sanitizer and body wash, pomegranate gum and yes, I ate a pomegranate today. I just like it.

I loved the Twilight books, but did NOT like the movie. I found it disappointing and will probably get crap for saying so. But if you aren't crazy obsessed and watch the movie with some discernment you will realize the movie is not that great.

I am a geek for sci-fi. I used to plan my schedule around watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, I have actually read novels based on Star Trek, and I have been to opening night of all the Star Trek movies since First Contact. One of my favorite shows is Firefly with the accompanying movie Serenity.

One of my favorite things is marathons of America's Next Top Model. I like seeing what they do for the photographs. There are some "interesting" concepts for themes. They put them in graves, hang them from buildings, dress them as men, it cracks me up.

I love Joel McHale!! The Soup on E! is so funny and that guy is hysterical.

Another of my favorite shows is What Not To Wear on TLC. The best part is that I am pretty sure that I am guilty of a lot of the things that the show complains about.

I have never liked Seinfeld. I don't think it's funny. I cannot bring myself to watch an entire episode.

I don't like red licorice. I would much rather have black licorice.

I like Hot Tamales in my popcorn. I won't eat Hot Tamales by themselves, but they are fabulous in movie theater popcorn. Yummy.

I am a chocolate snob. Tootsie rolls are NOT chocolate and white "chocolate" is NOT chocolate! While we are on the subject dark chocolate is the best and only way to go. I don't mind milk chocolate, but why dilute something so delicious with milk?

A Little Laughter

Learning Lessons

http://www.ldsmag.com/ideas/081110hate.html

Thank goodness for Brigham Young

I spent the weekend before the election in Grand Junction, Colorado with some friends encouraging people to vote. It was great to get out of Utah for a while and just experience a "foreign" culture. One where people don't stare with disgust at the Obama '08 sticker on my car, ask me to park in a different parking lot or just generally give me a look that promises a good shanking later. I didn't have to worry about getting derogatory e-mails concerning my political candidate of choice or tiptoe around everything I said. And to share it with two of my friends was great. People were so accomadating and kind. We stayed overnight in a house belonging to someone who left us a key and told us to make ourselves at home.

Navigating around Grand Junction was often difficult and extremely confusing. The streets often had two names, a letter and an actual name. F Street was also Patterson, Unaweep was also D Street. The best part was the fractional streets. F 1/2, F 1/4, F 3/8. Seriously F and 3/8! Who does that? Apparently a name just wasn't sufficient. Not to mention that house numbers ALSO included fractions. 2650 1/2 and the like. Luckily the houses only had 1/2, we didn't have to worry about anything completely ridiculous like 7/8 or 2/5. Luckily we drove around our first day with a nice woman who had driven down from Salt Lake before and knew her way around better than we did. After that we were okay, but there is something to be said about the brilliance of how the streets of Utah have been laid out. Thank goodness for Brigham Young!

Statements of Fact for LDS Supporters of Proposition 8‏

The following was sent to me by a friend:

Dear Friends,

In the aftermath of the recent election, we may find ourselves oddly on the defensive regarding our support for the Yes on Proposition 8 cause. Our young people have been especially subject to mean spirited comments by high school friends and teachers. We have nothing to be ashamed of. We did nothing wrong. In fact, we did everything that a civic minded American can and should do. I have put together a few facts that help me to appreciate our position better. For example:

1. Mormons make up less than 2% of the population of California . There are approximately 800,000 LDS out of a total population of approximately 34 million.
2. Mormon voters were less than 5% of the yes vote. If one estimates that 250,000 LDS are registered voters (the rest being children), then LDS voters made up 4.6% of the Yes vote and 2.4% of the total Proposition 8 vote.
3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) donated no money to the Yes on 8 campaign. Individual members of the Church were encouraged to support the Yes on 8 efforts and, exercising their constitutional right to free speech, donated whatever they felt like donating.
4. The No on 8 campaign raised more money than the Yes on 8 campaign. Unofficial estimates put No on 8 at $38 million and Yes on 8 at $32 million, making it the most expensive non-presidential election in the country.
5. Advertising messages for the Yes on 8 campaign are based on case law and real-life situations. The No on 8 supporters have insisted that the Yes on 8 messaging is based on lies. Every Yes on 8 claim is supported.
6. The majority of our friends and neighbors voted Yes on 8. Los Angeles County voted in favor of Yes on 8. Ventura County voted in favor of Yes on 8.
7. African Americans overwhelmingly supported Yes on 8. Exit polls show that 70% of Black voters chose Yes on 8. This was interesting because the majority of these voters voted for President-elect Obama. No on 8 supporters had assumed that Obama voters would vote No on 8.
8. The majority of Latino voters voted Yes on 8. Exit polls show that the majority of Latinos supported Yes on 8 and cited religious beliefs (assumed to be primarily Catholic).
9. The Yes on 8 coalition was a broad spectrum of religious organizations. Catholics, Evangelicals, Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Muslims all supported Yes on 8. It is estimated that there are 10 million Catholics and 10 million Protestants in California . Mormons were a tiny fraction of the population represented by Yes on 8 coalition members.
10. Not all Mormons voted in favor of Proposition 8. Our faith accords that each person be allowed to choose for him or her self. Church leaders have asked members to treat other members with "civility, respect and love," despite their differing views.
11. The Church did not violate the principal of separation of church and state. This principle is derived from the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, which reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof . . ." The phrase "separation of church and state", which does not appear in the Constitution itself, is generally traced to an 1802 letter by Thomas Jefferson, although it has since been quoted in several opinions handed down by the United States Supreme Court in recent years. The LDS Church is under no obligation to refrain from participating in the political process, to the extent permitted by law. U.S. election law is very clear that Churches may not endorse candidates, but may support issues. The Church as always been very careful on this matter and occasionally (not often) chooses to support causes that it feels to be of a moral nature.
12. Supporters of Proposition 8 did exactly what the Constitution provides for all citizens: they exercised their First Amendment rights to speak out on an issue that concerned them, make contributions to a cause that they support, and then vote in the regular electoral process. For the most part, this seems to have been done in an open, fair, and civil way. Opponents of 8 have accused supporters of being bigots, liars, and worse. The fact is, we simply did what Americans do we spoke up, we campaigned, and we voted.

Choosing Sides

With the elections past I was hoping for a little peace but alas it is not so. As a liberal Mormon, I admit that I had some reservations about the whole Prop 8 controversy. I spent 5 days in San Diego only a week before the election and it definitely opened my eyes to a lot of things. I admit that I had not heard a lot about the proposition mostly because I didn't realize the impact it was having on people in California. I was conflicted because even as I stand behind the standards of my chosen faith, I also believe that people no matter their race, gender or religion should have equal rights, whether I agree with how they choose to live or not. This thinking can often get me into trouble because at what point does tolerance become acceptance?

I finally had the chance to hear both sides of the argument while in CA. The friend that I was staying with had been involved in the "Yes to Prop 8" campaign and we also spent some time with someone who was involved in the opposite side. I got to listen to them discuss the finer points of the proposition which was good because I had some misconceptions. The most important is that Prop 8 took away the rights of same-sex couples regarding insurance, adoption, and the basic rights as a human being. I have read the actual text for the law and studied both sides and can tell you that it is NOT true. Once I discovered this it made my decision somewhat easier.

Here is my final thinking and I will explain why. If I was a resident of California, I would have voted yes to Prop 8. First and foremost while I am lucky enough not to deal with same-sex attraction, I am no stranger to the dilemma. I will admit that I don't understand and probably never will, but that is okay. I still love the people I know and accept them for who they are and it doesn't mean that I agree with it. Second, my religion is very important to me. It has truly helped define who I am and guides me on a day to day basis. The thing I find interesting is that this is the FIRST time in modern history that the LDS church has taken a position in politics. That alone was important for me to see. I don't think that the leadership did it because they are bigots or want to be divisive. The simple truth is that we believe that as the values of the world change around us, we should not. We live in the latter days and I had to decide for myself who I want to stand with in the end. I am not a bigot and I take offense to anyone who suggests that because I am Mormon that I am.

It's a tough issue for sure, but I wish people would stop placing the "blame" on the LDS church for standing up for something it considers important. As the gap between the values of the world and those of reilgion widen, there are going to be more instances like this when it will no longer be acceptable to be on the fence and sides will need to be chosen. Which side will you choose?

Free Speech

I am getting extremely irritated and hurt by people who claim to believe in free speech but then ridicule me when I exercise my right. I am not promoting hate or violence, yet I have been met with hostility from people claiming to be friends. One of the things that I pride myself on is my ability to accept all people for who they are, no questions asked and I expect the same respect in return. This does not mean that I support everything that everyone I know does, just because we care about someone does not mean that we always like what they do. I sometimes struggle with the fact that while I extend this courtesy to people in my life I have been getting small seemingly subtle reminders that they don't like my ways of thinking. I am happy with the independent person that I am so I become frustrated when people who ought to know better overreact to the mention of anything that differs from their particular view of an issue or situation. There is not ALWAYS a right or wrong answer to things! There are just different ways of approaching something. Life is not merely black and white, but that's what makes life beautiful and interesting! So if you find yourself ridiculing someone because of their belief system try to remember that it is hurtful and does not help you prove your point. Maybe you should listen to other points of view, it may just strengthen your view and give you insight into someone else.

A List of 8's

8 TV shows that I watch:
The Office
Life
Grey's Anatomy
My Own Worst Enemy
Eli Stone
What Not To Wear
Iron Chef America
Snapped

8 Favorite restaurants:
Asian Star
Sawadee
Hamilton's
Market Street
Winger's (but ONLY for the wings)
Cafe Rio
Mad Greek
Tsunami

8 Things that I look forward to:
Owning a car that is not always falling apart
Having someone to share my life with
Seeing my niece and nephew on a regular basis
Having all of my debts managed
Not having carpal tunnel
Gas prices at under $2 a gallon
The freedom (ie money) to travel
World Peace

8 Things I like about fall:
I love jacket weather
I love watching the leaves change color
I like gaining an hour with the Autumnal Equinox
I like fall type foods; pomegranates, pumpkin, turkey
I like stores and roads better when kids are in school
No more hot weather
Less smog
College football

8 Things on my wish list:
I wish that I could sleep soundly independent of a breathing apparatus
I wish that I had not lost my camera
I wish that I had more energy
I wish that I had a home to decorate
I wish that Daniel Craig was smitten by me
I wish I could travel the world
I wish I had more time
I wish that I did not have to try so hard

Picture Tag

Random picture! Bowling with my ward back in March. It was super fun! I miss the old ward!

I now tag Mary, Natalie B., Melissa G., and Maurisa


So, here are the rules: Post the 4th picture in your 4th file and then tag 4 more people

To Thine Own Self Be True

There comes a time in life when as adults we must decide something. We must decide whether to be true to our own self or to cave to public opinion. I came to this point many years ago when I realized that if I was going to be the real me, that there would be opposition. I had to learn not to hide myself or my opinions but to realize that if someone opposed me or made a comment about my direction that it needed to just roll off my back. I am not rude in anyway about it, I just am not going to change the person I am based on what someone else thinks. There is a fine line between flaunting differences and embracing them however. I embrace my liberal nature but I don't flaunt it. I'm sure we all know people who insist on seeking attention by pointing out loudly to everyone what makes them unique. Often it is off-putting and deters people from wanting to get to know you. I have adopted the "listen more than you talk" method because I genuinely enjoy learning about other people. This inevitably means that I know a lot about people which requires that I have a measure of self-restraint as there are always people around that want to know the latest chit-chat about people that they don't actually have any interest in.

My nutshell: Independent, free-thinking woman who is seeking someone to share a life with who is not afraid to be different or agree with me on everything. An articulate, honest individual who has a passion for music, the written word, cinematic adventures and culinary delights. I love the gospel of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and am proud to call myself a member. I encourage diversity, tolerance and a welcoming attitude for all people.

So, as William Shakespeare once wrote: "To Thine Own Self Be True!"

Ahh! I Got Tagged

Seven fun things about me:

1. I am obsessed with family history. I like organizing things into nice little units and following lines even if they are not directly related to me. I now have over 6,000 names in my personal file.

2. I don't like sugar. I drink diet drinks because I don't like the taste of sugar in regular drinks not from a desire to cut calories. I steer away from Kool-aid and always check the sugar content on flavored waters.

3. I can't eat shredded lettuce. I don't have a problem with leaf lettuce but for some reason my gag reflex will not let me eat shredded lettuce. It's probably psychological.

4. I have watched 90% of the commentaries of the movies I own. I like all the behind the scenes tidbits and adore gag reels.

5. I really like movie scores. I am always very aware of the music in a movie and have an extensive collection of scores from movies. My collection rivals probably that of small music stores.

6. I love nature. I like just holding plants and flowers or standing somewhere and letting the breeze bring the smell of freshly cut grass to my nose. I like the mountains and don't know if I could live somewhere that didn't have them.

7. I get in moods where I really like to clean. I have taken apart appliances to get to little nooks and crannys and clean them. Not all of my spaces are clean in fact my car is a disaster, but I clean my desk once a week and disinfect my phone every other week.

Here are the friends I am tagging!

Jessica B.

Natalie B.

Jacob N.

Mary D.

Panic Attacks and Phobias

From time to time we are all afraid of something whether it is failing a test, not making it to something on time, or that we simply didn't plan enough. At one point in my life I was agoraphobic and suffered almost paralyzing panic attacks. Mostly this stemmed from an intense fear of social situations, but one symptom was that I could not handle sitting on the end of a row in a movie theater. My new thing is I absolutely CANNOT bear to be behind a desk all day. About a year ago I changed professions and went from being a T.R.T (Therapeutic Recreational Technician) to a Sales & Marketing Representative.

I actually loved being a T.R.T because I got to work in healthcare to plan activities and trips for people. After four years of doing this however, I had become disenchanted with large corporations that are more about the bottom line than patient care, not to mention that I despised all the paperwork that went along with my job. A change presented itself and I took it. One of the advantages to the change was that I got to do some "light" traveling. I visit people from as far away as St. George all the way to Logan. It's great, I like socializing and I actually enjoy peddling my wares. The only times I struggle are when for some reason or another I have to stay in the office all day.

I had such a day on Friday and I almost went insane, I kid you not. I had been there since 8 a.m. and around 2 p.m. I started to get antsy and nervous and was on the verge of screaming. I mentioned my frustrations to someone who told me to go take a walk around the building. I wandered around to a little swampish area that is near our building and picked myself a cattail and some other random greenery. There is something so comforting about nature. I have decided that the fake plants in the office just aren't cutting it. I need some real greenery. Maybe a nice hanging plant next to my desk will help me cope. Wouldn't it be nice if all our phobias or moments of panic could be solved by something as simple as plant life?

Klutzy Me

Every once in a while I have an awkward phase and this weekend was hopefully the beginning and end of my next one. Friday night I was at the Gateway with some friends and needed to go back up the escalator to get validation from a movie theater. For some reason the escalator was at a standstill and therefore became just stairs. I was a little distracted because I was texting someone and ended up falling UP the escalator. All I can say is ouch. I now have evenly spaced puncture marks and welts on my right leg. Luckily my pants didn't tear but I still managed to bleed. My next moment came Saturday night when I was coming home from a bridal shower at a friends. I was headed down the stairs of my house to my bedroom when I slipped on a rug and ended up tumbling down the stairs. So now to go along with the wounds on my right side I have a swollen left ankle AND a swollen left knee. I am in a fair amount of pain. OH, and to top it all off I change my contacts out at the beginning of each month, well Saturday my right eye was bugging me. So I took out my contact and discovered a massive tear, the problem is that it was my LAST contact and I haven't ordered any yet because I thought I still had another 26 days to go before I needed any. So now I am wearing my glasses which I had taken apart to fix and now can't put back together. Instead of a screw my glasses are now held together by a safety pin. Classy!

I Am at Heart a Non-conformist

I admit that if something is popular I am more likely NOT to want to try it. This is especially true of anything that my sister likes because she tends to get obsessed and I hear so much about it that I just don't want to know anymore. This was true for the Harry Potter books and more recently the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer. I finally caved and ended up enjoying both series. The difference is that I don't blather on about it excessively. It's not that I am trying to be different, I just get frustrated because I think that part of the reason that people believe or do things is because everyone else is doing it. I don't mean that people don't think for themselves, I just think that it is easier sometimes than actually taking the time and making the effort to ponder things on a deeper level than what is on the surface.

With the approaching presidential election it has been difficult for me not to engage in political conversations, something which I try not to do. I don't mind it if people want to discuss politics or issues, I just have a hard time not feeling attacked, no matter the intention. I have the unique and often lonely experience to be a liberal minded person in an extremely conservative state. I also am uniquely liberal among a family of conservatives. I am never quite sure how to respond when family members bring up politics. My sister has asked me what my views are on certain things and I have appreciated the way she has done it. I also have other people who don't TELL me that I am wrong, but bring me negative articles and point out flaws in my candidate of choosing. I read them or quitely listen but inevitably don't say anything. Mostly because I don't want to deal with it and partly because it makes me feel like they think I am stupid.

I think that people don't realize sometimes how complex "the issues" are. I have been encouraging everyone I know to register to vote and to also visit a site that solidified my positions. http://www.procon.org Not only does the site show where each candidate stands on 65 different issues, but it allows you to answer where you stand and tell you which candidate most matches with your answers.

I have to admit that even as I consider myself a non-conformist I can't help hoping that there are enough of us "non-conformists" out there that a change is coming. I don't know if I could bear another 4 years of torture. I wonder what Canada is like?

Rebuked

It's funny how we are reminded of the things we need to work on in the most poignant ways. I am in no way perfect or even close to it. I consider myself a reasonable and tolerant person, not often given to fits of rage or hysterical crying fits. In fact it is not often that I am angry with someone beyond the point of repair.

I found myself almost exactly a year ago absolutely enraged at someone who had broken a confidence. I was struggling with a relationship in my life and was seeking guidance from two friends. It was an extremely delicate situation but I knew that these two friends would keep my confidence. Or at least that's what I thought. I came to find out that one of these individuals not only had reported our conversation to more than one person, but that it came mere hours after I had specifically asked for secrecy. It may not seem like a big deal and if it had been about something silly then I would have been more forgiving. However, the information that was passed was such that it could end up ruining more than one persons life. I was absolutely devastated. I made several attempts to speak with the individual who had broken my trust, but my requests for a chat were ignored. I finally decided that it didn't matter. I was definitely not going to trust this person anymore with anything.

As the time has progressed I have not avoided this person in any way or sought to do them harm. We have a lot of the same mutual friends so I know what is going on in their life and I'm sure it is reciprocal. We have often been in the same locations, I have just chosen not to speak with this person. I am a little shocked that I still feel some animosity for this person, because it is not in my character. I'm sure that there have been clues and promptings that should have led me to realize that this was not healthy, but if there has been, I have ignored them.

Last night at Family Home Evening a friend gave a lesson about forgiveness. There is absolutely no way that I could do it justice so I won't even try to summarize it other than to say that a great deal of it came from the book "The Peacegiver," and to say that it may have taken me a while but, I get the message and consider me officially rebuked.

Ode to the bunny rabbit that until Recently occupied the parking lot at work.

Oh little bunny rabbit with the cute white nose
Why do you run from me, or hop away?
I only want to hold you and pet your pretty fur
To feed you well and keep you safe
To give you somewhere warm to sleep
Oh little brownish rabbit where have you gone?

The Moment Before Pain Begins

I received this week an email titled "The Moment Before Pain Begins." The email went as follows:

I'm pretty sure this friend doesn't what my views are so it's not a big deal. There was one more image which I have replaced with another one.

This one was more in line with my way of thinking.

My Passion

There are two parts of me that are passionate. The first and one probably best not to engage me on, is my belief in equality. I sometimes get into trouble when I discuss this particular topic because I am quite a bit more liberal than my family and community. The second part of which I speak, is a passion for music. This is the kind of passion that if I am walking down the street and hear strangers discussing Morten Lauridsen or John Rutter, I will stop and impose myself upon said strangers.

It is not until recently that I have even come to describe my feeling for music as one of passion. I am in no ways a purist either. My friend Richard, who is in his mid-twenties, knows quite a deal about classical music, but can barely name a popular musician or hum a popular tune. And I'm not saying that this is necessarily a bad thing since it has been my experience that the average rustic does not even know how to pronounce Rachmaninoff [rakhmaninof] when presented with the written name, let alone pick out any of his melodies. I myself struggle to identify country or rap artists. I love the way music has evolved into a mash of genres so that it has almost become difficult to place groups or styles into categories. I absolutely adore the latest trend of pop and rock music with string instruments. I also love the return of artists who use the piano as a main instrument, that totally rocks! There is a song by Evanescence on their latest album called Lacrimosa. The song is a rock song but is a variation on a movement from Mozart's Requiem. The blending of old and new is so intriguing to me that I have decided when I have time to go back to school it will definitely be for music history. Richard incidentally despises that song and says that it is disrespectful to Mozart. We have decided to agree to disagree because the song is fundamentally the same but just now has a rockin' beat. How does he think music evolved if no one ever took a chance to try something different?

I majored in Music Therapy when I first attempted college because I was convinced that my future should involve somehow educating the unwashed masses on the effects music has on the brain. Unfortunately a wrench and several other tools were thrown in my plan and I became another statistic of the program in that I was part of the 80% who drop the program before completion. This equates to only 6 of the 30 students accepted into the program yearly, finishing with a degree in Music Therapy. There are several reasons the drop-out rate is what it is. First, a great deal of the classes are only 1 credit, so you may only have 13 credits but it may mean that you have 8 classes. This in and of itself is insane. Second there is an extremely rigid requirement as far as how many hours a week you practice not just one instrument, but 3. And honestly now I don't remember how many it was but something atrocious like 10-15 hours per instrument. Third, there really is no job market. For as important as I believe the profession is, the field is still in it's infancy, maybe toddler, stage. Plus there are the standards for all music majors which include concert attendance and write-ups of said concerts. So as a fresh out of high school 18 year old on her own for the first time, (and not necessarily on the most stable of ground mentally) I succumbed to my weaknesses and dropped the program.

So my purpose in all this is that the last few years have been ones full of self discovery for me, and as I have discovered and defined my passions, I wonder about those around me. I think people know that I am passionate about music. I have a friend who saturates his life with literature and it's something that is very obvious after talking to him even briefly. But how many of the people we know have some kind of passion that they don't share? How many of the people we are surrounded by do not even know what their passion is? Mine is such a fundamental element of me and my personality that if you don't know yours, I encourage you to find it. And if you already have one share it. The most enjoyable conversations that I have are the ones when someone is talking to me and I can really tell that whatever they are talking about comes from a place deep in their heart.

17 years and 9 months

Sometimes I forget how things are outside my little bubble. I grew up in a diverse family and was accustomed to a pleasant blend of colors. I realized the other day after showing someone a picture of my family how often the following scenario plays out.

Typically it begins with someone meeting or seeing a picture of my family and realizing that not all of us are pasty white and that there is an unusually large cocoa brown boy in the mix. Here's how it goes:

Random person: "So is your mom Polynesian?"
Me: "No."
Random person: "So that's not your brother."
Me: "Yes, it is."
Random person: "But he's adopted."
Me: "Right."
Random person: "Are all of you adopted?"
Me: "No, only him."
Random person: "So he's not your real brother."

At this point I usually just gloss over what they have said and continue on, but it has really come to irritate me!!!! Yes he's my "real" brother. I have known him all but 31 days of his life and he has known me for the same length of time. Is 17 years and 9 months not enough to consider him my brother? Just because we don't look the same does not mean that we are not family. Part of the reason people ask if all of us siblings are adopted is because none of us really look alike. Granted my baby brother has the advantage of a permanent tan whereas I must deal with instant sunburns and an aversion to heat. Does this make us that different? We have the same parents, we lived in the same houses, we ate the same food, were expected to follow the same rules,and we both are sealed to my parents. I know that people probably just don't realize what they are saying but if they really thought about what they are saying hopefully they would realize how insulting their comments can be. I have never actually taken the time to explain to people just how ridiculous they sound, but the next time this happens I may just.

It's the Simple things really

I have stairs. It may seem like a silly thing to be so ecstatic about, but let me explain. The reason I am living in the house that I am right now is because when I needed to move it filled some of my criteria; it was still in the neighborhood, it was cheap, and I knew the people I was moving in with. Ever since I had befriended the girls in the house the sliding door to the backyard has been problematic. The distance between the bottom of the door and the ground was 1-1/2 feet, oh and did I mention there were no stairs? So up until recently there was a large steel utility chest that was a makeshift stair so that there was not such a drastic drop to the ground. Well sometime this last winter the landlord reclaimed the utility chest and so getting to the backyard has been interesting. I awoke a couple of weeks ago to the nauseating smell of cigarette smoke and the banging of hammers. Some men had come to give us stairs! When I came home after they were done it was great!! Not to mention it has been a great addition as far as seating goes for when we have BBQ's. It's the simple things in life really that give me the greatest joy. Riding in my car with the windows down and the radio on, waking up after a great night's sleep, laying on the grass at night to gaze at the stars. Isn't life grand?

Proud Auntie

Occasionally I am a sappy romantic

Unfortunately my sense of romance has been destroyed by the romantic comedy movie. I don't usually watch them and would much rather watch an action flick or a gritty drama. Of late I have been pondering what these movies have done to me. Maybe I am expecting too much from guys. After 6 or 7 dates am I wrong to be a little frustrated when my date continues to offer to shake my hand at the end of the date? I'm not asking for a grand gesture like standing outside my window with a stereo, but seriously, a handshake?! I would even settle for something other than a side-hug. Maybe a little hand holding and conversation to assure me that I am not wasting my time on someone who will never be emotionally available. Is that too much to ask?

I struggle on a daily basis with the walls that I have built up around myself. I have become so accustomed to being uncoupled that I have managed to convince myself that I don't need someone. Meanwhile I watch the people around me find happiness in having a partner to share their life with. And I know that it is a big fat lie because I want someone to share my life with. Someone to tell my stories to and go home to at night. Cynicism has become second nature to me and I am trying desperately to rid myself of it's cancerous influence. Matters are not helped by the fact that watching chick flicks makes me bitter that life isn't like the movies in any way shape or form. How twisted is it that we learn to long for romantic situations that are almost statistically impossible? I've let go of some of my cynicism but that also means I have started to admit that deep down I really am a sappy romantic. Admitting my sappy nature may be the first step to recovery but it also means that I have opened myself up to hope, and hope while good, can be a dangerous thing for someone so absolutely terrified of losing something that she doesn't even have....... yet.

The In Betweens

There are a couple populations of people in Utah communities whose needs have been largely overlooked until recent years. One such group is the special needs adults. In church there is a natural progression to things. Primary, Young Men's/Young Women's and joining of the adult population in classes. Where does that leave those with special needs? Individuals who through no fault of their own are not able to progress pass the mentality of a child or teen. I have discovered that in the Salt Lake Valley there are Special Needs Mutual's that are held weekly and give no regard to age or cognitive ability. I became aware of this group because my mother had been called as the chorister for the group that meets near her house. She has on occasion asked me to fill in for her pianist. I think this is a fabulous idea, it allows parents and the kids to network resources. If you know of a similar program in your area I urge you to get involved. As the Emperor would say, the force is strong with these ones. These people are such a reminder of how elemental our faith should be. There is nothing more pure than their love!

Cute? Think Again.

Women throw around the word "cute" a lot. Probably more than we should. It's one of those words that is so overused that it starts to lose it's meaning. So we transition to stronger words like "hot", "dope" or "sick." One of my friends recently got a new car and was told by all the women he works with that it was "cute." I should mention that it is a totally smokin' Ford Mustang. "Cute" should never be used to describe something as awesome as a Mustang. This led to a discussion about what cars are considered girlie cars and what cars are considered masculine cars. I have composed a list. Feel free to let me know how I did. These are not solid, just my general observations, obviously there are exceptions. Again, this is not a definitive list, I just didn't think that a Mustang should ever be labeled as "cute."

Girlie Cars

• Volkswagen Jettas


• Volkswagen Bugs (especially the new ones)


• Mini Cooper


• Geo Metro

Masculine Cars

• Trucks in general, but especially white trucks.


• Mustangs (Shelby especially)


• Mazda 3


• Anything with a "hemi" or diesel engine


• PT Cruisers


• Chevy HHR

Gender neutral cars

• Toyota Corolla


• Honda Civic


• Honda Accord


• Toyota Camry
  

Panda's are cute, but seriously?

So I was watching the Olympics tonight and apparently they needed some filler between sports and I had the "privilege" of watching a segment titled: "Panda Babymaking." I kid you not. Pandas are cute, don't get me wrong, but do I really need to know how they exercise the pandas for "optimal reproductive health?" The segment included showing trainers putting the pandas through leg squats. Seriously?!

A Tribute to My Awesome Roommates

I love my roommates! They will tell you that I am camera happy and that I also am a big fan of the candid shot.

More Concert Attendance Pet Peeves

I had mentioned in an earlier post that there are certain etiquettes that should be followed when attending any kind of concert event that would encourage applause. I have a few more pet peeves to add to my list.

For performers:

1. It's great that your concert starts at 7:30 and that the announcement to silence your cell phones is prompt. However, it is rude to then wait 8 minutes before actually appearing on the stage. Once an announcement is made, the audience settles down and awaits the beginning of the performance. Once that much time has elapsed, the crowd begins to get rowdy again. So if you are going to start late, do the announcement late as well.
2. Please don't tell your audience how to applaud. This last event I attended, the conductor told the audience that rythmic clapping in unison is the way that European audiences show appreciation. Now that it's been mentioned the audience feels obligated to do as you suggest. Telling someone how to applaud is almost as bad as demanding a standing ovation.
3. Concerts that last too long. I absolutely adore the University of Utah Singers and can usually be found at most of their events, however it drives me absolutely insane when their concerts drag on and on. To be fair this year they are much better at time management than they were last year, but it still bears mentioning.

For attendees:

1. If you plan on paying money to attend an event, please realize that other people have as well. You may not have the same appreciation for the type of music that those around you do, but that doesn't give you the right to ruin it for everyone else by talking. That might actually be okay in a loud, crowded sports arena, but in a small, quiet concert hall everyone can hear you even if they don't know what you are saying.
2. If you are upset that someone is talking while the performers are doing their thing, don't lean over and talk to your neighbor about it! You are just contributing to the noise.
3. People who critique the performance who have no clue what they are talking about. I went to a concert and a person in my group (whom I did not invite) proceeded to use her extensive knowledge of mathematics to prattle on about the concert as if she knew what she was talking about. If you are trying to impress someone, don't try to do it by shooting your mouth off about something you know nothing about. To those of us who do know what we are talking about you just sound dumb.

Enough venting for now, I'm sure I will have more later. There is always something to complain about, right?

Legality is Best!

I have not always made smart decisions and back in 2004 I had some traffic violations for expired registration and no insurance. I had arranged to make payments to the courts (yes, plural) for my fines and in my state of utter destitute, I missed a few. During this time I had moved quite a few times and did not receive my summons to appear in court. Evidently when I failed to appear there was a "FTA" warrant placed on me. Last year when I went to renew my driver's license I discovered that it had been suspended for 2 years. Whoops. I then made the plan to use my "Economic Stimulus Package" check to pay my fines and reinstate my license. Due to some unfortunate tax ridiculousness, I ended up not getting the stimulus package. I was definitely living on borrowed time and everything caught up to me at the end of June. I'm going to spare you the details, but it was not fun or pretty. The circumstances made it so that because of extremely trustworthy and willing parents, I was able to take care of everything at once. I have always been a considerate driver and have excellent cop-spotting eyes. I have had several people ask me in the last few weeks if I feel better now that everything is taken care of. I usually responded that it was no different except that I didn't have to dart into cemetaries to avoid law enforcement. *see disclaimer I have also noticed something however, I have become a more aggressive driver. I was so pre-occupied with avoiding law enforcement that I never broke the speed limit, I always let people in and I was a much more courteous driver. Since obtaining legality I have been less cautious. It does feel great to drive down the city streets and not fear being detained and possibly jailed. But I do miss not having road rage.

* I do not recommend ever letting something turn into a warrant, or thinking you can evade the law forever. Prompt repsonse should be the ONLY option. The way things played out was ENTIRELY my own fault and I take full responsibility for it. I used to say that the only thing I would ever change about my life to this point was that I wish I had taken better advantage of my education. I now add to it that I wish I had not let things get as bad as they did. It may make a great story, but it is not a proud one, nor one I would EVER wish on someone else. Please drive responsibly and remember that you are not the only one on the road.

Rodeo Haven!

I went to my first rodeo yesterday. I have to admit that it was pretty fun! However, I dreaded the inevitable presence of country music. Growing up there were some rules in my house.

1. Almost never take dad's stories seriously. (Maraschino cherries are not in actuality a petroleum based product)


2. Saturday morning cartoons were to be turned off promptly at 10 a.m.


3. Eat everything on your plate no matter what. (still trying to break myself from that one)


4. Grapefruit knives are not for cutting grapes (I almost lost a finger before we made that one)


5. Country music and The Beatles are strictly verboten!

The last one is the most important. These rules were strictly enforced! In junior high we had one of those Aero-Star vans that had radio controls in the back seat. My dad was giving me and my friends a ride somewhere when my friend Hilary, knowing full well how my dad felt about country, changed the radio station to one of the country variety. My dad literally slammed on the brakes. He turned around and said, "see what happens? The car stops working when country music is played." Hilary never attempted that stunt again.

When my sister moved to Idaho to attend Ricks College (back then it still was) she of course started to take a liking to country music. In fact she had started a little before that but was covert about it until after she moved out. Not only did she start to like and encourage me to listen to country music, but she then went and married herself a genuine small town Idaho boy. I was shocked and appalled because at the time I was still under the impression that country music was Satan's tool and listening to it guaranteed a drop in my IQ and my immeadiate interest in guns and throwing hay.

My opinions were mostly based on what had been ingrained into me from a young age and it didn't help when the country that I did hear typically involved lyrics concerning trucks, trailers and hunting. As country has become more mainstream and I have had friends who listen, I have come to an important realization that will shock and disturb some of the people I know.

Country music is not as bad as I had been led to believe.

Hold up! I am not saying that I have reset my presets, or even that I seek it out. But if I take the time to get past my knee-jerk reaction to it, country music has some pretty rad lyrics and musical greatness. I still detest the songs with excessive twang and some of the artists accents drive me absolutely batty, but I don't go into convulsions or pass out when confronted by it. I did find at the rodeo that for some reason I kept slipping into a southern type accent. I don't know why and it was totally unconcious. Meh, maybe its a deeply surpressed desire to be a cowgirl.

You Know You're a Music Snob When.....

To go along with my previous post, I have assembled some signs that may help you determine if you are a music snob.

You know you are a music snob when.....

... you can't watch the ward chorister because it's just all wrong!
... someone asks you which version of Mozart's Requiem you have and it leads to an argument.
... you know how to correctly pronounce "in excelsis deo"
... you actually know what a schwa is.
... you have issues with "musicians" who don't notate their own music.
... you know that a diaphragm is more than just a prophylactic.
... you hear a buzzing noise and spend the next few minutes determining what pitch it is.
... when you say you are headed to a concert, you don't mean that you are heading to the nearest sports arena.
... people think you are a member of the University choir, because EVERYONE in the choir knows who you are, even though you have never been a member.
... you know what it means when someone directs you to the second stanza.
... you can sing a duet of the smurf song in tri-tones.
... you can see something written in IPA and actually understand it.
... you have more movie scores in your CD collection than movie soundtracks.
... your encyclopedia is not the standard one but the musicians set.
... you know that motet is not some kind of gang name.
... songs that end in unresolved sevenths drive you crazy!
... you inadvertently change the key to a song you are playing without noticing.

Songs That Must Go

"Nine in the Afternoon" by Panic! At the Disco is another recent release that has been played so often that no matter what radio station I switch the dial to I am bound to hear it. I like Panic! At the Disco and I actually have the album, but I cannot stand to listen to this song anymore!

"Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. I actually had a sort of fondness for this song when it first came out, but again corporate radio has overplayed it death. It even bothers me when I hear it in upbeat mixes. Instead of "keep bleeding love" I would love it if this song would bleed itself dry already.

"Red, Red Wine" by UB40 This song drives me absolutely bonkers. I literally grind my teeth when I hear it. It makes me want to throw things. I have no explanation other than that. It should be called "Red, Red Whine"

"Jane Says" by Jane's Addiction My favorite radio station has a host that ALWAYS plays this song. I actually like Jane's Addiction but I cannot stand to hear this song because of how overplayed it is.

"Sex and Candy" by Marcy Playground Besides the fact that I hate the words to this song, there is just something about the whiny lackadaisical melody that just puts me on edge.

"Laffy Taffy" by D4L The entire song consists of some idiot saying Laffy Taffy for 3 minutes and 44 seconds. It's maddeningly mundane and for some reason it was a big hit.

"How Do I Live" by Leann Rimes I already have issue with most country music but the fact that when she sings this it sounds like she is saying, "how do I leave without you" drives me absolutely insane. English is her first language but you wouldn't know it from listening to her. Diction, people!

"Amber" by 311 I happened to really enjoy 311 but this is another song I just cannot listen to.

Anything Aaron Neville sings. That man's vibrato is just unnatural! A natural vibrato does not fluctuate a step and a half.

A Word or Two.....

I have mentioned that in my effort to expand my social circle that I am a paying member of a couple of social networking sites. It is always hard to determine what you should say on your profile. What can you say about yourself that will attract people but also not give them a false anticipation of you? First impressions are after all the most important. That one contact determines whether someone passes you over or stops to find out more. I have skipped over seemingly attractive profiles because the wording makes the person sound egotistical or because they seem close-minded. I could be totally wrong about these people, but their profiles have done nothing to keep me intrigued. I have been conversing with a few people and have come to realize how important grammar is. I may not get my commas in the right place or know when to use whoever vs whomever, but I do know how to form a relatively complete sentence.

I received an email yesterday from someone who wanted to possibly chat. I was a little put off because there was absolutely no capitalization, attempt at proper spelling, or the coherence of a complete sentence. Communication is important in a healthy relationship and a first impression of incoherence is not advisable. I got the gist of it, that wasn't difficult, but it did not impress me. I realize that in the age of text messaging we have learned to reduce things to the bare minimum of letters, but this was an email, not a text message. I am not a genius nor an idiot but I am seeking someone that speaks intelligently. I enjoy conversing about the current economic conditions, politics and philosophy. I can however, also converse about action movies, rock music and cars. It worries me that technology while making some great strides in medicine and other fields of science, seems to be perpetuating the decline of intelligent communication. If anyone has seen the movie "Wall-E" I point you to the scene of the small children being taught the alphabet.

Technologically Dependent

There is no doubt that modern conveniences are both a boon and a bane. Thanks to advancing technology my parents can use GPS to get email updates on where my brother is driving their car and how fast. It also allows me to log into the server at my work from home. As far as disadvantages technology is helping us lose the human touch to interaction. Not to mention that we have become so accustomed to getting things quickly that our attention span and patience are greatly decreased. It still astounds me that I have one friend who does NOT have a cell phone. (He is extremely obstinate, cheap or a-social, haven't decided, maybe all three)

This last weekend was great because it was a long weekend but when I left work on Thursday I left my phone charger plugged in behind my desk. I don't currently have a working vehicle and so by mid-Saturday my phone was dying quick. It gave up on me completely around 4 p.m. and there was nothing I could do about it. It was very odd as I went out with friends that night not to be checking the time on my phone or to see if I had missed any calls or text messages. Added to this is the absence of my keys and purse which are residing with my car 150 miles away. I must admit that I felt a bit lost without something heavy weighing down my pockets. When I finally got to work on Monday and charged my phone I had all kinds of voice mails and text messages. I was a little ticked at myself because I had missed a call from a friend who is in Dubai.

Going without my phone nearly drove me insane. Not being able to be in contact with people was disorienting and frustrating. It's amazing to think how far technology has advanced just in my lifetime. I still remember the first CD player my parents ever bought. Does anyone remember laser discs? I still remember the first cell phone we owned. That giant grey brick with the 12 inch black antennae. Good times! My brother, who is only 17, can't even fathom the fact that a 17 year old with a cell phone used to be ridiculous! I have become so accustomed to instant gratification that it is no wonder that waiting in line for anything longer than 30 seconds irritates me. Conclusion: I am totally technologically dependent. Not that it makes me unhappy per se, just not as grateful as I probably should be until I am faced with the loss. Just like the old saying "You never know what you're missing until it's gone."

Concert Attendance Pet Peeves

I went to a concert Saturday night down in Provo and noticed some things that I would like to address. To start off, parking was an absolute disaster since every single parking lot near the club had signs that proclaimed that it was for their patrons only. 95% of those businesses were closed but seeing as how college towns seem to be patroled more, we had to find alternate parking. Which of course meant we had to walk a bit to get to our destination. First, you should know that it was an interesting crowd for several reasons. It was advertised as an all ages concert and it definitely was. The youngest person there was 7 years old and the oldest was probably in her early 60's at least. Also there were a lot of couples. I don't know if this is a Provo thing or just that this artist appeals to couples. (I don't know why, most of her songs are about jerky men and how tired she is and wants to get rid of them which is part of why I adore her songs. That and her use of the piano.) There also seemed to be a higher ratio of tall people than I am used to. Again, is this a Provo thing? Because if it's something in the water I would totally buy some of that. The result of all these tall people of course is that despite the 2 inch heels I was wearing I couldn't even see the stage which was pretty remarkable since the venue in question was not much bigger than my apartment. So my pet peeves for concerts come down to a few simple things. I will start with things that performers do to irritate me.

• When it is announced that the concert starts at 7:30 p.m. this does not mean that your opening act comes on at 8:15. That's why you have an opening act, so that you can continue to prepare or whatever it is that you do before a show.
  
• Know your audience. I realize that you do hundreds of shows a year but perhaps a little knowledge of your audience would be helpful. For instance, jokes about porn hair and the use of foul language are not going to go over very well in Provo.
  
• When your opening act is done, please don't make the audience wait 30 minutes before you come on. Especially when that crowd has been standing on their feet for 2 hours already because the venue has no seating at all.

Things that concert attendees do that irritate me, and not all of these relate to the concert I went to on Saturday.

• You may not have paid money specifically to see the opening act, but that doesn't mean you get to treat them badly. Everyone starts somewhere, give them a break. Don't stand in the front row and carry on a shouting conversation on your cell phone the entire time they are performing!
  
• In a standing room only venue, don't push! Crowding the people in front of you may get you a couple of inches closer to the stage, but it also creates more body heat in an area that is already pretty hot.
  
• In a standing room only venue, don't leave your place and then expect to get it back. You leave, you lose your spot. That's just the way it goes.
  
• When attending a choral or orchestral performance, DO NOT clap between movements. You don't clap between the verse and chorus of a popular song, this is the same.
  
• When attending any performance that has a conductor, you DO NOT clap until the conductor lowers his or her arms, it's just bad form and you ruin the flow.
  
• If you intend to leave a concert early, DO NOT choose the front row. It is inconsiderate to those who intend to stay the whole time and it's rude to your performer especially when they can see you leave. Even when you are leaving early to avoid traffic, it's still insulting.
  
• Do not mock people who actually know the music you are listening to. As long as they are not drowning out the performer(s), let them enjoy themselves, even if it means they are swaying back and forth and lip syncing. Let's face it, you just aren't as cool as them.
  
• DO NOT complain at the price the performer charges for their merchandise. It is discounted from what you would be charged at a media outlet! Particularly artists playing small venues because it usually indicates that they are just starting out. Give them a break, $5 for an eleven track CD is not bad.

Feel free to let me know if there are any important ones you feel I have missed, these are just the ones I can think of right now.

Observations

I had an interesting weekend and I would like to share some observations and questions about it.

• Is the TV at the County Jail set to CourtTV to deter the detainees from future crime?
  
• Why is it that the most experienced cyclists are the ones who can't seem to follow the rules of the road?
• Why must people stare anytime there are police cars that have their lights on?
• Motels that leave envelopes that suggest you leave a tip for your housekeeper should just pay the staff better instead of soliciting tips.
• Small town cops are meaner than those in bigger cities, they have nothing better to do. Small town cops are also more likely to have metal handcuffs instead of the zip ties.
• What happened to spring? It seems like this year we went from winter-like weather to Death Valley weather. Shouldn't I be used to hot summers by now? I've lived here my whole life.
• Is it creepy that I know someone who followed another individual with the same car as them just to see where they lived?
• Age does not necessarily equate with maturity.
• People with an attitude of entitlement drive me crazy.
• Sometimes you just need to cry even if for no reason at all.
• Social commentary is fine in a movie but be upfront, don't disguise it as a children's movie.
• People will apologize and try to empathize, even if the problem is something of your own making. They just don't know what else to say.
• No matter how hard we try to ignore things, they will always catch up with us.
  

Changing Scenes

I've been feeling a sense of detachment lately which has given me plenty of time for self-reflection. Over the last few years I have solidified my personal views on religion, politics and a variety of issues all the time aware that I am more liberal than my immediate family and most of the people in my community. However, knowing what I believe and sharing are two entirely different things. I typically smiled and nodded when people talked about things, but kept my opinion to myself and if I did volunteer an opinion, I would censor myself knowing that people wouldn't agree with me if I was really honest. Several months ago I felt brave enough to share my deepest feelings about some things with my closest friend and I was shocked when she didn't disown me. Emboldened by this experience I gradually became more willing to share with others. It was great when in September I made an acquaintance who actually was even more liberal than me! I found a kindred spirit! The frustrating thing is that as I have let people know what I really think I have seen a decrease in my social life. I can't blame this entirely on expressing myself, but I have found myself less willing to spend time around people who are not open-minded. I'm not asking you to change your views or even agree with what I say, I just think that people should be more willing to listen to people that have different views and not berate someone who is different.

With all this self-reflection I have come to some surprising conclusions. The most surprising being that overall I don't have much to complain about. I have some problems (all of my own making) but I am doing what I can solve these problems. Life could really be worse.

I am a very social person and usually am happiest when I am meeting new people. I am genuinely fascinated by other people. I like to know where people come from and how that has affected the person that they have become. After 2 1/2 years I think it is time for a change. I love the ward that I am in, but the number of people I associate with has decreased. And the people that I most want to associate with are too busy for me anyway. Instead my weekends have been spent of late cleaning, doing family history and knitting. I don't mind doing these things but I am just not by nature a solitary person, which is why I think it's time for a change of scene. I need to find a way to meet new people. My options are limited because I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't want to spend time in places where people do. I have done some networking online with not-so-great results. Where can I go in Utah to meet people? (And NO not Studio 600, the crowd is a little young for me)

A Conspiracy Theory

I am convinced that not only is there a conspiracy as far as oil and gas prices go, but also that the transportation departments are in cahoots with the oil suppliers.

Near my work there are many train tracks. It is a highly industrial area that is relatively close to the airport, so it makes sense. HOWEVER, two of the tracks cross over THE main road between I-215 and Bangerter Highway. There are no cross arms or flashing lights for these tracks. What typically happens is an engineer steps out of the engine car and waves at traffic to stop. When traffic has stopped, the train unhooks a couple of cars IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD, and leaves for a few minutes. I assume that the engine that comes back is a different one that then picks up the cars in the middle of the street and exchanges it for some other ones. Basically the process from start to finish takes 30-45 minutes. Apparently there is absolutely NO OTHER WAY to do this anywhere else. It happens at least once a week and lately it has been really awful timing. I got stuck behind this mess today because they were doing it at 5:00 p.m. when everything in the area basically shuts down. It is so irritating and inconvenient. People try to find other ways to go around, but if you try the streets directly north or south, the train is also blocking those streets. Grrrrr!

As I-80 construction has been progressing, it has been interesting to see how the crews have been making the replacement bridges off site to then transport them where they need to go. This last weekend was their first attempt at installing one of the pre-fabricated bridges. Things didn't go so well when they noticed that one of the beams was twisted. Rather than installing a possibly faulty bridge, they have elected to fix it on site. While I greatly appreciate their concern for the safety of all who will pass over or on the bridge, it was a little creepy to drive past it and have it towering over you only 10 feet away. Typically the way the commute goes is that in the morning there are 3 west-bound lanes and 2 east-bound lanes. Mid-day there is a cool machine that then moves the cement barriers so that the evening commute is 3 east-bound lanes and 2 west-bound lanes. In all the confusion over bridges someone must have forgotten that they needed to switch it today. Traffic was backed up from 1300 E and I-80 all the way to the 201 @ 900 West. I was already a little ticked at having to wait for the stupid train and then had to crawl on the freeway at 10 miles an hour because it was only 2 lanes. Meanwhile west-bound traffic is whizzing by without a care in the world.

So here is my theory; the oil companies, construction companies and railway lines are in cahoots. They are determined to get us to waste as much gas as possible idling on the freeway or at a railway crossing. Because in all honesty what can we really do? I would love to have some alternate transportation to work, but because of where I am the buses don't run that far west. Another problem with that would be the time factor. To even get to work at a decent hour I would need to leave 90 minutes before I wanted to arrive. Not to mention that I drive for work. We need to get to work and school and other places and there is not a feasible alternative. I could ride a bike to work, but that's only if there was somewhere to shower once I actually got to work. I would love to get a hybrid vehicle but I have to finish paying off this vehicle and no one is going to want to buy it from me anyway. My sister and her husband are trying to sell their SUV but no one wants to buy a gas guzzling vehicle right now (which is the reason they are trying to sell it anyway) Ultimately to survive we must purchase gas to fuel our vehicles.

So, what is the answer? I have seen groups on Facebook that promise if you join that you will help lower gas prices. How?! We have dug ourselves so deep into this hole that I don't know that gas prices will ever recover. At what point does society actually begin to shut down because no one can afford to go anywhere? Part of the problem is that some easy fixes are unpopular. I empathize with the fact that we have destroyed a great deal of our natural resources, but drill for oil in Alaska already. It seems that we keep expecting to get help from the countries who already provide us with crude oil, but they already know that we have no where else to go. We won't drill on our own land so they know they've got us by the throat. Here is another problem, people are touting ethanol as being the saving grace and as soon as we can integrate it we will be saved. Guess what? Ethanol is produced using corn. With all of the natural disasters all over the world, (flooding, earthquakes, typhoons) we are losing valuable crops and land. The existing corn we have is going to making ethanol which then increases the demand at the exact same time that supply is decreasing. So the price of corn goes up especially in third world countries that need the food and can't afford it. What are we to do? Honestly, I don't know. But I'm trying not to watch the news too often lately. It depresses and angers me a bit. Mostly because it makes me feel helpless which is never a fun feeling. I tend to stress and I have enough of my own anxiety without introducing external influences.

Bragging Again

It's starting to really bug me that I don't get to see my sister and her kids except maybe once a year. They are growing up so fast. I have some new pictures, now I may be biased, but are these not the cutest kids in the world?! I want to be there so I can laugh when my nephew makes that hysterical face, or to play princess with my niece. Gas prices and various other obstacles stand in my way. Curse this economy!

Traffic and Copiers

I had the misfortune of being stuck on the freeway yesterday for 90 minutes yesterday. The misfortune was not necessarily because I was stuck, but because the reason I was stuck was because of a fatal traffic accident. It was mid-day and I was returning to my place of employ from a business appointment. As I approached the area of congestion, I went past one of those permanent electric signs above the freeway which proclaimed that the freeway went to one lane at 3500 south and that all traffic was being diverted. After seeing the sign, I made my way into the right lane so that I could exit or be diverted. People continued to stream past me in the left lanes, despite seeing the sign and somehow thinking it was not true or that they could bypass everyone else. Traffic of course got progressively worse and I actually ended up putting my car in park for a period of time. I actually saw Life Flight land on the freeway and then take off towards a nearby hospital. As the time went on drivers started to use the emergency lane on my right to drive past all the cars that were at a stand still. Imagine the frustration of emergency vehicles when they tried to use this EMERGENCY lane and were thwarted by inconsiderate people intent on getting the jump on the rest of us law abiding citizens. Because of the timing of the accident, it ended up that I did not get off the freeway at 3500 south because they were still directing traffic past the scene. Because of where the accident happened my move into the far right lane ended up being a mistake as all traffic was merging into one lane on the far left. Those of us who were making an effort to merge had to deal with people unwilling to let us in. Most of the people in the left lanes were people that had been speeding past the rest of us who were at a standstill and trying to comply with the suggested traffic precautions. I just don't understand why people can't be courteous drivers. 97% of the time I would rather be considerate and let someone into traffic than to get that one extra car length ahead. And while we are at it, when the sign says "DO NOT BLOCK INTERSECTION," that doesn't mean you get to honk at me when I don't pull forward into the intersection that is NOT supposed to be blocked.

Side note, I am irritated with the copier at my place of employ. It only allows you to make copies in the double digits. If I need 100 copies, I must make 99 and then another 1. It's pretty annoying. I guess I could do 50 then another 50 but how obnoxious is that?

Freaky Sleeper

I have issues. Anyone who knows me will not dispute this. A major disturbance in my life right now is my difficulty sleeping. I have been trying all kinds of things. I have seen 3 different doctors undergone several different sleep studies and been prescribed pharmaceutical assistances most of it to no avail. The sleep studies discovered that I have a not-so-safe tendency to stop breathing at various times while I sleep. The solution for this has been a CPAP machine. It looks very similar to the face masks that you see fighter pilots wear in movies. It is this triangle shaped thing that covers my nose then has a strap that goes up to my forehead and wraps around the back of my head. There are also straps that attach to the bottom of the triangle wrap around near my chin and meet in the back. It makes me look soooo pretty! Even with sleep aides I have difficulty falling asleep so added to this wonderful head gear I wear, I also have an eye mask to keep out light because I am hyper-sensitive to anytime my roommates turn on their lights. AND I have a hard time shutting of my brain at night despite the sleep aide so I have headphones on so that I can listen to music. The way I use the music to shut off my brain is that I listen to movie scores and concentrate on remembering what part of the movie this particular piece of music plays during. Or I even have a mix of music scores and I try to identify which movie it comes from. This may sound odd, but it helps me think about something other than dwelling on the things that keep my brain racing at a million miles a minutes. With all this gear, I must look totally insane. Luckily I don't share sleeping quarters with anyone and I am not usually woken by anyone other than my alarm clock. But basically I am one freaky sleeper!

The XX and XY dilemma.

The average age for marriage in Utah seems to be moving more to the late 20's than to late teens-early 20's. The dilemma with this is that we as a community are not sure what to do with this growing population. It used to be for girls that you went from your parent's house to your husband's house. For boys it was parent's house, mission home, parent's house again and own home with the wifey. I was pleasantly surprised when I moved to the East Millcreek area 3 years ago that at 24, I was actually one of the younger unmarried singles at the time. That was great! I wasn't made to feel bad for not being married already (unless you count Grandma) and most of the people I befriended were at the same point I was. We were done with school and basically just working and trying hard not to feel the ever present pressure to get married. People deal with this time in different ways, I have friends who spend their time and money acquiring the nicer things in life that wouldn't be possible if they were married. I also have friends who continue to live the rock-star life traveling to out-of-state concerts, taking international vacations and the like. I have friends who save up to buy their own home or to upgrade their living situations. In all of these cases, though we don't like to admit it, we are just spinning our wheels. Unfortunately there is a perception that adult life doesn't truly begin until marriage. I think people focus so much on the next step that once they get there they don't know what to do. Luckily I realize that marriage will not be a solution to my problems, or that everything is roses after marriage. In fact I am rather looking forward to the adventures and obstacles that follow marriage.

I was having a discussion about relationships with two boys lately and one was expressing his frustration at how difficult it is to date and how many obstacles there are to overcome in a relationship. For this person in particular especially, I feel that the biggest obstacle we have is ourselves. I am usually cognizant (belatedly) of the things that I do to sabotage myself and am trying to be more aware of my actions. I was also expressing some frustration at my current dating/relationship status. I happened to say in a not so clear way, that I felt like I was ready to be married. Dave, the second boy, asked me to clarify and stated that he knew I was not ready for marriage. I didn't mean to say that I could get married tomorrow. What I was trying to express was that I feel at this point I could probably survive okay if I were to get married. Obviously never having been married I can never know how it's going to be until it happens, but I believe that even 6 months ago I would not have been adequately prepared enough to be married. What I mean by prepared is my emotional, mental and communicative states. Of course I will probably get down the line another 6 months and think how stupid it was for me to say this, but time will tell.

I have found it ironic that as far as chromosomes go women are XX and men are XY, because a lot of the time we as women often find ourselves asking Y? I guess that if coupling were easy, then everyone would be doing it. (Although sometimes it seems like everyone is) The reason I have found myself asking why tonight is because of how stupidly mean people are sometimes. I certainly hope that they don't intentionally try to cause emotional distress, but they just seem so oblivious to the obvious pain that their actions cause it causes one to wonder. A dear friend recently had a break-up and betrayal by a friend and is continually being reminded of said betrayal by both the girl and boy involved. Now, I do question the girl's motives as she was aware of the situation at the time, but I wonder how this boy could know someone as well as he did and think that acting like everything is okay will work out. It just kills me to see other people cry.

Guilty Confessions

I had an epiphany today. My brother was looking at my Facebook page and asked me why I had almost 300 friends. He says it is ridiculous because there is no way I actually talk to all of these people on a regular basis. I was making a joke to someone new on Facebook about how addicting it can be and I also said something about how it was the only legal form of stalking. Facebook allows you to check up on people and find out what is going on in their lives without actually talking to them. It was a joke but after I finished I realized how completely true it was! I must admit that if I want to know what's going on with someone I check their recent activity on Facebook. I believe I have heard it referred to as wall stalking. I am GUILTY!

I have also become more aware of what I have on my page. There are things that I may think are funny but someone who doesn't know me, or hasn't interacted with me in a long time could misinterpret. On one hand I want to say "who cares?" because people are going to think what they want to and ultimately the opinions of others shouldn't (and don't) matter to me. But here is the thing. I have become very aware recently not of what other people think but of the example that I am setting for the people around me. So I now prefer to err on the side of caution. Because when it comes down to it I would rather people think better of me than they probably should then to think the worst of me unjustly. I probably won't change the world or even my community, but someday I would like to think that someone can say that I was a positive influence in their life, if only for a little while.

Warning! The Jones' are coming!

I've decided that we as a society have some pretty messed up priorities. Two weeks ago my sister was in a car accident on the I-215. After it was determined that it was not her fault, the party at fault's insurance has sprung for a rental car until the damage could be assessed. It has now come back that they car is going to be totaled. (the price to repair the deployed airbags alone was $1500) The reason this affects me is that I had been using this vehicle in my travelings for work. On Monday I got to try out the rental. It is a Chevy Cobalt with an extremely nice stereo system. The speakers rock and it has a CD player. On the dash is one of the fun things to tell you what the exterior temperature is. The odd thing about this car is that it does not have power locks or power windows. To unlock the back doors you literally have to reach back and pull up the lever. As for the windows even my car which is 9 years old and has no CD player, has power windows. Now it could just be that I've gotten lazy, but I don't want to sit there and crank down the window. Thankfully it is not my vehicle.

I should mention also that I think my family should come with some kind of warning label. A flashing sign that warns people we are coming, or some kind of advance person with a bull horn. Let me explain. Anyone who knows me or any member of my family knows that we have a pretty odd sense of humor. We are also masters of the deadpan. Just the other day I fooled my roommate who has been a good friend for at least 2 years into thinking that I didn't know Jurassic Park was fake. To obtain the rental vehicle my dad, sister and brother went to the rental agency (shortly after stripping the old vehicle of anything and everything valuable.) The lady at the rental agency was explaining the rules; no smoking, no pets, no drag racing, and the vehicle was not to be used as a getaway car. At this point my brother acted all dejected and said, "Well, there goes my weekend." And of course none of them are cracking a smile or laughing so this lady was thinking maybe he was serious. A little later my sister mentions that it's too bad we don't have a jungle to abandon the rental car in. * See explanation Yep, that poor lady didn't know what to say so she feigned ignorance.

Explanation: My family has really bad luck with rental cars. There is no specific agency or country that this applies to because we have tried different agencies and not always in the USA. Once when traveling to California we had reserved one of those big passenger vans that you see prisoners transported in. (not an entirely unlikely use for us) When we got to the agency they didn't have any and so we ended up having to drive two suburbans instead. (Back when gas was only $1.19) The same problem happened a few years later with another agency and so we ended up shoving 8 adults (and if you know my family, I've got some large in stature brothers and a similar brother-in-law) into one single suburban. It was seriously the worst car trip EVER as far as comfort went. But the best one of all happened when we went to Cancun for Christmas one year. There were seven of us in a suburban, but I was probably 14 so space was not an issue for us yet. We had spent the day somewhere around Cancun snorkeling and were heading back to our hotel/suite. It had gotten dark and all we had taken with us was our swim gear. (We even had matching tye dye shirts, I kid you not) Halfway through our 90 minute return trip the car breaks down on the highway. So here we are in swimsuits, T-shirts and towels. It is pitch dark, there is not much traffic and did I mention the highway was smack dab in the middle of the jungle? And the problem is not a tire or something fixable, the car just sucks. And we have no cell service. So in my naivete I am expecting to have our tires stolen out from underneath us or to be attacked by a large beast from the jungle which is a foot from my window. My dad gets out and puts the little triangle markers that semi's use back behind us so that if in fact anyone happens upon us they will have ample warning and won't sideswipe us. Hoping to attract more attention, my dad commandeered my brother's neon cover your eyes yellow shirt, so that he can try and wave someone down. So at this point we are wondering how we are going to get back. And I can't remember what else had happened, but this was not the only problem we had had with this vehicle. Luckily a friendly hotel resort bus driver happened along and offered us a ride. No one was on the bus and my parents were both so mad at the rental company that we emptied all of our stuff out of the vehicle and loaded it in the bus. The nice gentleman took us back to our hotel and the next morning my dad let the rental agency know the general area where they could find the car if it was still there, because we were not going back to it. (The point of all that was to explain why my sister would be disappointed that we couldn't abandon the rental in the jungle. Although I don't know how much she remembers because if I was 14 she was only 7.)