Unfortunately my sense of romance has been destroyed by the romantic comedy movie. I don't usually watch them and would much rather watch an action flick or a gritty drama. Of late I have been pondering what these movies have done to me. Maybe I am expecting too much from guys. After 6 or 7 dates am I wrong to be a little frustrated when my date continues to offer to shake my hand at the end of the date? I'm not asking for a grand gesture like standing outside my window with a stereo, but seriously, a handshake?! I would even settle for something other than a side-hug. Maybe a little hand holding and conversation to assure me that I am not wasting my time on someone who will never be emotionally available. Is that too much to ask?
I struggle on a daily basis with the walls that I have built up around myself. I have become so accustomed to being uncoupled that I have managed to convince myself that I don't need someone. Meanwhile I watch the people around me find happiness in having a partner to share their life with. And I know that it is a big fat lie because I want someone to share my life with. Someone to tell my stories to and go home to at night. Cynicism has become second nature to me and I am trying desperately to rid myself of it's cancerous influence. Matters are not helped by the fact that watching chick flicks makes me bitter that life isn't like the movies in any way shape or form. How twisted is it that we learn to long for romantic situations that are almost statistically impossible? I've let go of some of my cynicism but that also means I have started to admit that deep down I really am a sappy romantic. Admitting my sappy nature may be the first step to recovery but it also means that I have opened myself up to hope, and hope while good, can be a dangerous thing for someone so absolutely terrified of losing something that she doesn't even have....... yet.
1 comment:
hope! hope! hope! don't you worry girl!
Post a Comment