I spent this last weekend doing some of my favorite things: not going to work, river rafting, taking pictures, and sleeping under the stars. Not a bad way to spend three days. The locale for this wonderous event was Moab, Utah. I went down with 70 to 80 of my closest friends. Okay, not really because as it turns out there were quite a few that I did not know. It was an unusual weekend in that only one of my closest friends was able to attend. My bestest pal was elsewhere and my roommates decided that going to Africa later this year was more important. So I found myself in unfamiliar territory for the first time in a long time. Even the people I traveled with were unfamiliar to me. It gave me an opportunity to sit back and observe which I like to do anyway. I started to get irritated when I noticed how exclusive some people were being. The weekend was not really structured in any way, except that we all met for dinner and to sleep, breakfast, then would part our ways to go about whatever activities in the area we so desired. The ridiculous lengths that people would go to keep other people from joining in activities was just plain mean. I was left to wonder if I have just been oblivious to the division in lines or it just becomes more apparent when in such a setting. I was especially irritated when I found myself on the losing end of several, if not most, of these situations.
I have mentioned before that I have a tendency to be a cynic when it comes to relationships and anyone who knows me well will attest to it. I have been desperately trying to be more positive and willing to see the good in men but I have had some not so good examples, especially of late. It also doesn't help that my roommates have also had run-ins lately with guys who destroy our hope and faith. I met someone this weekend who apparently had heard of my outspoken views (probably not a good thing) and wanted me to elaborate. I was reluctant for several reasons, the first being that I was in mixed company and some of my frustration stemmed from the people who were there and I didn't want to single them out. I also didn't want to discuss it because I truly want to change that aspect of my personality. I am trying to cut down on my reflexive cynicism, not encourage it. None of this has done anything to alleviate my frustration, if anything I have found myself lately becoming angry on a more regular basis, which is unusual for me. I'm pretty sure there is a chill pill somewhere out there with my name on it.
I have also not been feeling well lately. My symptoms have been sort of generalized and non-specific so I have just chugged along and ignored most of them. The last few days have seen an increase in my symptoms so I finally logged onto WebMd's handy-dandy symptom checker. I imagine that this is a very valuable resource for some people, however for those of us prone to unnecessary worry, maybe we should stay away from things like this. After entering in my symptoms I have now terrified myself into actually seeing a doctor, mostly because some of the possible causes of my symptoms included MS, cancer, chronic fatigue, mononucleosis, and a myriad of other worrisome things. Especially since I have a tendency to ignore things until it becomes impossible to do so which is the case now. So, wish me luck or whatever as I fret until I actually see a doctor on Wednesday. Though with my recent attitude I wouldn't blame you for telling me to stop being such a girl and tough it out.
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