Reflexive cynicism

I have a horrible habit of assuming the worst when it comes to the motives of men. Granted, they haven't given me any reason so far not to be. I have been making a concerted effort to not be so cynical and to be less cynical it means I need to have faith and hope in the opposite sex. I really am trying to be positive. I became aware of how cynical I was when a dear friend made some kind of comment saying I wouldn't be me if I wasn't cynical. Ouch. It was one of those moments of pure epiphany that has a profound affect. I have spent the last 3 months struggling with it and I thought I was doing better until yesterday. In my ward if you are a new member they announce your name and make you do a pirouette. The purpose of this is to give everyone a chance to ogle you. Okay, not really it is supposed to foster recognition and perhaps the motivation to welcome the newbie. However, there is usually a comment made about how when you pirouette it is to let all the boys/girls (depending on your gender) see how cute you are. I became a little irritated yesterday when 6 or 7 new girls where asked to stand and then the boys were told to appreciate the beautiful women who just joined our ward. I then had some reflexive cynicism, much like word vomit. It was not on purpose but definitely how I usually feel. My response was well, they don't appreciate the ones they already know so why should these new ones be any different? I happened to be sitting next to a guy that I am casual acquaintances with and he turned to me and kind of laughed. I of course felt the need to explain that I really didn't mean it, but really did and was trying not to be so cynical. Sigh, I'm going to keep trying and hopefully one day someone will show me that my new found faith and hope in men is not unfounded, but I doubt that all of that can be blamed on them anyway.